ಮುಕ್ತಿ ಚಿಂತನೆ

ಮಣ್ಣಿನ ದೇಹವಿದು, ಮಣ್ಣಿಗೇ ಹೋಗುವುದು
ಅಳುವುದ್ಯಾಕೆ ಇದರ ಗೋಳುಗಳ ಕಟ್ಟಿಕೊಂಡು?
ಒಳಗಿರುವ ಆತ್ಮದ ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಕಣ್ಣುಕತ್ತಲೆ ಬರುವಂತೆ ಹೊಟ್ಟೆ ಹಸಿದಿರುವಾಗ, ಬೆತ್ತಲಿರುವಾಗ
ಚಳಿಯಲಿ ನಡುಗುವಾಗ, ಕೈ ಕಾಲು ಸೆಟೆದುಕೊಳ್ಳುವಾಗ
ಒಳಗಿರುವ ಆತ್ಮದ ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಪ್ರೇಮವೆಂದು ಮನಸು ಗೊಂದಲಿಸುವಾಗ
ಕಣ್ಣೀರು, ನಗು, ಕೋಪ, ದ್ವೇಷ, ಜಿಗುಪ್ಸೆ, ಅಹಂಕಾರ, ಅಸೂಯೆಗಳು ಕಾಡಿದಾಗ
ಒಳಗಿರುವ ಆತ್ಮದ ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಬಂದು ಬಳಗವು ದುಡ್ಡುಮಾಡಿ ವೈಭವಿಸುವಾಗ
ಇಲ್ಲದ ಸ್ಪರ್ದೆ ಬಂದು ಮನಸ್ಸು ನಕಾರಾತ್ಮಕವಾದಾಗ
ಒಳಗಿರುವ ಆತ್ಮದ ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಅಭಾವ ವೈರಾಗ್ಯದ ಸೋರೆ ಬುರುಡೆ ಕಟ್ಟಿಕೊಂಡು
ಸನ್ಯಾಸವೆಂಬ ಬೆಂಕಿ ಬಾವಿಗೆ ಜಿಗಿವ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಯೋಚಿಸಿ
ಒಳಗಿರುವ ಆತ್ಮದ ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಮಣ್ಣಿನದೇ ಆದ ದೇಹದಲಿ, ಹೂವಿನಂತ ಮನಸ ಇಟ್ಟು
ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಕಳಿಸಿ ತೊಂದರೆ ಕೊಟ್ಟ ದೇವರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಬಯ್ಯುತಲೇ
ಅವನ ಪಾದ ಸೇರುವುದ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ? ಮುಕ್ತಿಯ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಚಿಂತಿಸಲೇ?

ಭಾಶೇ

ರೂಪಾಂತರ

ಕಲ್ಲಾದ ನನ್ನೆದೆಯ ಕುಟ್ಟಿ
ಅಡಿಪಾಯ ಕಲ್ಲು, ಜಲ್ಲಿಯಾಗಿಸಿ
ಏನೋ ಸಾಧಿಸಿದೆಯೆಂದು ಮಾಡಿ
ನಿನ್ನ ಮನೆ ಕಟ್ಟಿಕೊಂಡವನೇ

ನುಜ್ಜು ಗೊಜ್ಜಾದ ನನ್ನ ಹೃದಯ
ತಳಪಾಯವಾಗಿ ಛಾವಣಿಯಾಗಿ
ಗಟ್ಟಿ ಸಿಮೆಂಟಿನೊಂದಿಗೆ ಗಟ್ಟಿಯಾಗಿ
ಮತ್ತೂ ಕಲ್ಲಾಗೇ ಉಳಿದಿದೆ

ಹಲವು ಛಿದ್ರ ಚೂರುಗಳಾಗಿ
ಮತ್ತೆ ಒಂದಾಗದಂತೆ ನೊಂದು
ಮಣ್ಣಾಗಿ, ಧೂಳಾಗಿ ಮತ್ತೆ
ನಿನ್ನನೇ ಸುತ್ತಿ ಸುಳಿಯುತಿದೆ

ಕಲ್ಲಾಗೇ ಇದ್ದಿದ್ದರೆ ಈ ನನ್ನ ಹೃದಯ
ನನ್ನಲೇ ಇರುತಿತ್ತು, ಎಂದಾದರೂ ಕರಗುತ್ತಿತ್ತು
ಚೂರು ಚೂರಾಗಿ ಹೋಗಿದೆ ಇಂದು
ಹೃದಯರಹಿತೆ ನಾನು ಕಲ್ಲಾಗೇ ಉಳಿದಿರುವೆ.

ಭಾಶೇ

ತುಂಬಿದೆದೆಗಳ ರಾಕ್ಷಸಿ

ಸಂಜೆಗತ್ತಲಲ್ಲಿ ಗಂಟೆ ಎಂಟಾದ ಮೇಲೆ
ಕೆಲ ಜನನಿಬಿಡ ಕೆಲ ನಿರ್ಜನ ಪ್ರದೇಶದಲ್ಲಿ
ಕಾಣಿಸುತ್ತಾಳೆ ಇವಳು, ತುಂಬಿದೆದೆಗಳ ರಾಕ್ಷಸಿ

ತಿರಸ್ಕಾರ ಭರಿತ ನೋಟ, ಕುಹಕ, ಛೀಕಾರ
ಬದುಕಲು ಇದೇ ದಾರಿಯಾಗಬೇಕ? ಮೂದಲಿಕೆ
ಕೆಲವರಿಗೆ ಕುತೂಹಲದ ವಸ್ತು, ಆಕರ್ಷಣೆ

ಬಣ್ಣದ ಚಿಟ್ಟೆಯಂತೆ ಸಿಂಗರಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು
ಎದೆ ಭಾರವ, ಸ್ತ್ರೀ ನಾಚಿಕೆಯ ಪ್ರದರ್ಶಿಸಿ
ಕಾಯುತ್ತ ನಿಂತಿರುತ್ತಾರೆ, ಲಜ್ಜೆಗೆಟ್ಟು? ಮಾನಗೆಟ್ಟು?

ಯಾರದೋ ಮೊದಲ ಸಲದ ಆಸೆಯ ತೀರಿಸಿ
ಇನ್ಯಾರದೋ ಅತಿ ಕಾಮುಕತೆಯ ನೀಗಿಸಿ
ಬೆಳಗಾಗುವುದರೊಳಗೆ ಮಾಯವಾಗುವ ಮಾಯಿನಿಯರು

ತುಂಬಿದೆದೆಗಳ ಹಿಂದೆ ಅವಿತಿರುವ ಭಾವಗಳೆಷ್ಟು?
ಬಣ್ಣ ಕಳೆದ ಮೇಲೆ ಹರಿವ ಕಣ್ಣೀರ ಕಥೆಯೇನು?
ಯಾವ ತಾಯಿ ಹೆತ್ತ ಮಗಳೋ ಹೀಗೆ ಬಾಳಲು?!

ಅರಿವಿರದ ನಿರ್ಲಜ್ಜೆಯಿಂದ ಮೂದಲಿಸುತ್ತೇವೆ ನಾವು
ಅವರ ಬಾಳಿನ ಪಥವ ನಡೆದವರಷ್ಟೇ ಬಲ್ಲರು
ನಿರ್ಭಾವುಕರೇ ಇವರು? ತುಂಬಿದೆದೆಗಳ ಮಾನಿನಿಯರು?

ಭಾಶೇ

Shut Eyes

Busy with my battles,
I shut my eyes

When I opened them today,
Oh! I have missed the growth in you
The colors you have picked up
The blossoms that have flowered
The fruits that have ripen now
Alas! I had shut my eyes

Its lightening, raining, thunder storms
Hailstones fall making a beautiful noise
Walk with an umbrella is music to ears
The cooling breeze makes me sing and dance
I have missed the nature’s bliss,
Alas! I had shut my eyes

There is a new baby, a blissful wedding
A new car, house and holiday hanging
Oh! That color, that dress, that new cuisine,
All that has come, that I wish
I lost days being busy within me,
Alas! I had shut my eyes

I hear new music every minute now,
I see dance in natures every turn
I cherish the sweet, the sour and the bitter
Everywhere I see, its only glitter
Well, it’s all so calm and so very nice
Am glad! I haven’t shut my eyes!

BhaShe!

The one way door out! – Suicide!

Woke up very disturbed this morning, Jiah Khan committed suicide? Heard it on the radio and could not stop thinking about it. What would have gone so bad, so wrong that she killed herself? Didn’t she think of her parents, family, who would be devastated by this act of hers? How and why did she decide to quit? Why did she become so harsh on herself? What went so wrong that she thought it cannot be fixed at all? I am really puzzled and upset.

I know, you might be thinking, that girl made only 3 films, made more controversy than making films, why am I so upset? I am upset because I saw a very daring, sweet, touching girl in her when I saw ‘Nishabd’. I know it’s just a movie, but I liked her, liked her a lot! I kinda felt, she lived one of my dreams. I was happy for her. Somewhere, some point, I saw myself in her. That attitude, that presence, somewhere.

She is no more now! I like to deny that, I do not want to believe it. I am upset. No matter how bad or challenging life goes, I am against suicide, till the point where you have your blood, family surrounded. Am I?
Or is it the thought that, instead of being alive and not just suffer from pain personally, but keep hurting closed ones, it is better to end, put a full stop to both ends.

I don’t know! All I now know is, her death disturbed me, making me think more about life!

In the long run, I may not miss her, I may not even remember her, she might just be a faded memory in life, but yes, I do believe she lived one of my dreams, and that way, we will always be connected!

BhaShe!

Walk on

Every step I take, hurts like crazy
Still I walk further, I go on
I know it hurts for a reason

My body is frozen, but my heart is warm
For the hungry stomach, I give food for thought
I walk further, even when all my ribs hurt

Stones, thorns, pierce my foot
Hailstones hit me and hurt me hard
Though I walk, I am directionless

Pain to pleasure is an awful journey
Path throws up unknown challenges
Every turn I take, shocks me to death

I walk further, alone, strong and weak
Though torn to pieces, putting myself together
I am in search of inner peace, sanity

Not knowing what is real and what is not
Not knowing right or wrong, lightless
I walk on in the dark, even when it hurts to death

BhaShe

Moving Forward

You can’t bathe in the same river twice
It moves forward, says a philosopher
I am moving forward too
Growing old and fat, funny and wise

Life is unique for everyone
It’s like watching modern art
Interpretations and experiences
Give meanings to spread colors

With wide open arms
I enjoy the skies, the blues
Season is changing, from within
New boundaries, new limitations

I am moving forward, everyday
I am growing, getting better, stronger
I am becoming what I am meant to be
A big, strong, beautiful and fruitful tree

BhaShe

You don’t know the angel in you

When I sleep, taking deep breath
I smell the awesomeness you have
Just when I am about to catch
You hop on to your horse and vanish

The good and bad always coexist
As is the beauty and the beast
You do good deeds and bad
Like one is happy and sad

Like the colors collide in a rainbow
Like expressions set our eyebrows
Like in and out our lungs go,
It’s that natural to live a mixed life

Sun rises and sets as earth turns
Mind and body has its poisons to churn
The equal and opposite reaction
Is not something said for the sake of fun

You don’t know the angel in you
You don’t know the demon in you
You use them like they are meant to be
But the angel in you always scores more

BhaShe

Anger

Blood has boiled to a point
We deny identifying each other
All the efforts to make us joint
Has blasted back like a blunder

Fire in our breath
When thought of each other
We grind our teeth
When we see each other

Hate and grudge has sunk in
And made our hearts cold
With all the hurt within
Words are thunder and bold

Desire to tear open
Each other and our chest
Pour out the venom
And give anger some rest

Though the outcome
Is not something I can imagine
But the thought of peace
Makes it sound all worth it

BhaShe

Spider Trap

Am not water flow from a tap
That you can make flow and stop
I am Ganges, perennial river, waterfall
What have you got? Come on, bring it all

Am not a puppet in your hands
That you can play or decide to throw
I have my emotions, smiles and wounds
Some vanish but some increase as I grow

Am not a phone you can put off or switch on
Either you are with me, or you are gone
Am scary and damaged, twisted and dark,
Being with me, has proven to be a treatment of shock

The blame is on me, I get it, I agree
But will I ever change? Not even a degree
Hell with my life, is just my attitude now
My past is hung up to my tomorrow and now

You have fallen in a bottomless well
I am sorry, but getting out will be hell
Out of sight goes out of my mind
Sulk away and may be on you I'll be kind

BhaShe

Taking Charge

My own hands
Tied my own legs
In my own golden chain

Don’t know when,
Don’t know how,
Gold turned to iron

What I liked
What I wanted
Became a burden on me

What I thought
What I expected
Made me lose my glee

I felt owned
I felt drowned
I felt I was responsible

For my today
For my past
As it became disgustful

Neither in nor out
I carried my scout
To know and fix what’s wrong

Though tough
Though difficult
I know I have to be strong

Took an axe
In my shaking hands
To cut myself lose

Even if it hurts
Or cut my legs off
Am sure I won’t snooze

BhaShe

Decided Destiny

Staring at a moonless sky
With thousands of stars twinkling
I think about the past and the future
And wonder what I have done!

Those stones, I thought diamonds
And diamonds, I threw away for pearls
Those decisions I made which went well
And which have now become mistakes

The hearts I broke and got mine broken
The hearts I am about to break
The decisions I am going to make
And the results it would lead to

The second chances in life and
The dead ends we come across
The smiles and tears that came together
And the hope that future holds for us

I tell myself, change is constant
Life needs balance, in all aspects
The pull and the push, that has been done
And what might change when breaks applied

I ponder and decide, I am right
And I am responsible for what I am
And will continue to be responsible enough
To manage my life, like it deserves

BhaShe

Wronged

Every time you abandon me
I ask this to myself
What did I do wrong?

My pillows get wet with tears
My heart aches with pain
With the question in my head

All of a sudden you vanish
And all of a sudden you come back
I keep wondering what I did

Is that only anger you have?
Or you feel love for me too
I never have understood

If you don’t need me
Say it, I might get over with it
I may not need you too

If my life or death does not matter
Then am dead to you already
Stop making me die everyday

Have I done anything wrong?
And why has anything hurt you
The puzzles I never understand

You keep punishing me
With pain, deserting and silence
I keep asking what I did wrong.

BhaShe

Surprises

So much noise
Is it in my head?
I hear conversations
Am I talking to myself?

Waves keep forming
Like thoughts in my head
Everything is scattered
Like the moonless night

Some are singing, far away
Some songs are written here
Should I laugh or should I cry
My disturbed mine does not try

Yesterday, today and tomorrow
Has nothing changed or everything has?
Different tunes that flow from all over
Make me think I am lost in a different world

Is this high inside my mind
Because of what I been through
Or what I have seen and become
I need to make peace with myself

The melodies of songs heard
Fades away as time passes
Till I encounter such bliss again
The dead that is alive, lives

Waves and thoughts form and fade
Change is the only constant
I keep wondering and discovering
New sides of mine everyday

BhaShe

I heard him speak to my soul

When the unheard stories were told
When the decisions were wrong and bold
When my heart froze and body went cold
I heard him speak to my soul

A soft whisper in my ears when am asleep
To make the decision, to add faith to the leap
What has been given, to understand it and keep
I heard him speak to my soul

Nurture or murder is not in my hands but his
Preserve or destroy were games of his bliss
I’d close my eyes in faith and let all this miss
As I heard him speak to my soul

Lift from where I am to where I want to be
Journey from cuffs and ropes to the free
The power and pleasure of enlightenment and glee
As I heard him speak to my soul

It was when I was on the wrong path
When I could not tell between dreams and fact
When I thought all I had was gone and lost
Then I heard him speak to my soul

BhaShe

I’ll never let you miss me

Like air, like light, like the stars
Like the universe, like mars
In Bangalore, like bars
I’ll always be around
I’ll never let you miss me

Bore you with jokes
Remind you with pokes
Do stupid mocks
But I’ll never let you miss me

Even if you think am mad
When either or both are sad
Be it good or be it bad
I’ll never let you miss me

When you are angry and fight
When you are drunk, fully tight
When your days are dark or bright
I’ll never let you miss me

Even if you go away and stay
You want to forget me and stray
Even when am buried in a grave
I’ll never let you miss me

I love you now and forever
I’ll forget or ignore never
I give you my word, clear,
I’ll always be around
I’ll never let you miss me

BhaShe

Making up with Past!

How do you make it up to a heart you broke?
How do you make him speak?
How do you accept all that is done?
And believe the mistakes are none?

Life is never a walk on the cake
Every emotion is at some stake
When you think you have forgotten
A memory comes back hurt and rotten

Yesterday never comes back
Dead days never talk
All that has passed is now to be used to
Not east getting out of what one is gotten into

If only it does not hurt anymore,
Being there for each other matters much more
If only what is done can be put behind
Then some good memories retain in our hand

BhaShe.

Becoming Strangers

We were strangers,
Wish we had remained that way,
The curiosity about each other
The eagerness to know
The excitement of knowing
Spending time with each other
Every day, every minute
The awareness scale increased

Today, we are again strangers
But half known to each other
So much anger and pain
So much of miscommunication
So much misunderstanding
Every conversation is a fight
Jokes are taken seriously
And life has become a joke

What all broke in this transition
Countless promises, couple of hearts
Many smiles are dead, silence is silenced
So much told, so much to tell
Half complete sentences all around
The chirpiness has died, so has fun
Sharing has been forgotten long ago
It’s now a walk on the grave yard

Will we ever be friends again?
Will you ever crack those silly jokes?
Will I ever laugh at them like I did?
Can it become as fresh as it was?
Questions list keeps going
Answers are afraid to come closer,
As we have turned out to be now,
Walk away as strangers to each other.

BhaShe

Quest

If all those stones I threw had reached you
You would have melted like an ice cube
If you had heard those painful songs of my heart
You would have taken me in to your world
If you had held my hands at every emotional moment
Our hands would have become one and glued forever

You are god, omnipresent, the one who sees and knows it all
Am just a human, you have made me with lot of emotions
All I want is to be back in your arms, loved by you
And to know that you are with me forever, no matter what
But all I hear from you is silence, ignorance and avoidance
How should I survive?
When I don’t know
Whether the one I love, loves me back or not,

Give me the capacity to live, when you are silent
Give me the courage to take the pain when you ignore me
Make me stronger to face it when you avoid me
And have a smile on my face and light many more

I am in the quest of finding you and reaching you
And when I do, I have questions to ask
I want to carry a face, to which you would answer
And make you fall in love with me once and forever
Are you listening, my love?
Give me one sign that says you are still with me.

BhaShe

Just the way you asked me to…

Am with you just the way you asked me to
Staying by your decision, doing what you ask
Sharing only things that you’d want me to
Putting my joys and sorrows behind the mask

You know I too have a heart which feels
Hiding my emotions is a difficult task
I’ll always be in love with you but
I know, knowing you, anything is too much to ask

Knowing I don’t matter, no more,
I still take steps towards you
I run, I hide, and I let those minutes pass
When am about to say how much I love you

You are sugar coated poison
Sweet to start but death is the fact
I am glued to you, inseparable
What an irony, or is it gods act

I will always be with you
When you stretch your hand to reach
Those promises, feeling and emotions are true
But my limitations, am not going to breach

BhaShe