Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Karma’s ways to bite

He cheated and moved
I was sad and bruised
I missed his company
But life got its symphony

Came back with request
On social media to connect
At my level, Manager
Grown, it looked meager

I took a step, went up
He again had to catch up
Maybe he took a turn
Devious plans he did churn

Karma has its ways to bite
In a “name” it showed its might
Is his memory his foe?
Karma, I take a bow

BhaShe

Friday, March 11, 2016

Molehill

While I sit and make a mountain out of a molehill
Over friends who haven’t called and checked on me
There are girls who are sold by their dads
To pimps, to be trafficked to Mumbai’s sex districts

Who was there to take care of her anyway?
The women her father slept with hated her
The men her mother slept with have lusted her
Other elders in the society have groped her

It’s just another way of life, a job, an income
Just go, stay, earn and send the money back
Some hungry mouths here have food in their plates
You stay there, do what you do, don’t come back

Who knows, she might find a family there too
A sister who shares the pain of being sold
A mother who has aborted many a times, cold
A friend, to confess, to cry, to talk and to hold

Will I ever grow enough to see a molehill as a molehill?
And enough to see what is and how big a mountain is
Or will I stay listening to all of it as if it is a story
And believe, I live in a universe far away from all that is

BhaShe

Monday, March 7, 2016

Flower

I brew nectar at odd hours of nights
You would have a message when the day breaks
A bowl of peace handed to you with a smile

I breathe the fullest at odd hours of nights
You would have my strong scent when the day breaks
Filling you up with a fresh mood for the rest of the day

I make colors and paint myself at odd hours of nights
You would see the best of me when the day breaks
Still carrying sparkle from countless stars I watched

I make my world a little better at odd hours of nights
Every morning when you wake up, you get to see
How me being 'me' is one step closer to serenity

BhaShe

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Shishila – The Destination

The Desire:
About 4 or 5 years ago, I, appa, amma and Ankith went to a place called Nanya Bhairaveshwar. The ride was beautiful. It is about 25 kms away from my home and is a beautiful place. We had been there in the evening and we looked around. That is when I first saw the peak of Shishila. What a sight it was! As soon as I saw that peak, I wanted to climb to the top of it. I started suggesting that we should go there. Amma and appa tried convincing me that it was a bad idea to start at that hour. When I started making a fuss about it, appa made it very clear that it is not a viable idea. It was getting late and we had to walk in the wild to go to the top and without a guide there is a high possibility that we could be lost. I had to succumb, I had no power over this argument and we returned. For a minute I had the thought of wanting to get married on that hill top.



The Revival:
Last September when I was home, I spoke about my long lasting desire to climb the Shishila hilltop and Chetu helped me with Raju’s number. Raju is a villager in Bhairapura village (which is the nearest) and also acts as a guide to visitors. He spoke about leaches and other problems and suggested that we should plan to go there in November or December.

The Journey:
27th December 2015, me, appa and ankith left home at 12:00 noon. A junction near Agriculture College, before Mudigere, we took a left to go towards Bhairapura. At every junction we asked for directions and we were misguided once. We travelled extra for about 2 kms in the wrong direction and because we asked for directions all the way, we got back to the right road soon. After a while, in the next junction, where we asked for directions yet again, we could look at the Shishila hill top. Ankith noticed the excitement on my face and mentioned it was so much, as though I had already climbed up to the top.

We reached Nanya Bhairaveshwara temple and called up Raju. Oh! You will be lucky if you find any mobile network there, and we were lucky for a while.

The Disappointment:
Raju mentioned that wild elephants had been there at 10:30 in the morning. As we were only 3, he suggested it is better we go back now and come again in a group, instead of the planned adventure. We strolled for a few minutes, saw the way to the hilltop which goes inside the forest, and decided to go back. We could see elephant dump and the havoc they had created that morning, some broken trees, broken twigs and smashed bushes. It was enough proof for us to vouch our decision. We came back to the place where we had parked our bikes and started eating watermelon we carried.

Angels Arrived:
A toofan arrived with 17 people in it. Yes, you read it right, 17, aged between 10 and 45. 13 of them said they are going to climb Shishila. We all jumped out of joy and joined them. It did not take much time for us to get friendly. Together we started walking towards our common destination.
The path in the forest was well made but there were places where we had to walk up on dusty, stone filled roads. It was very slippery and very tiring. Once we crossed the forest it was again an uphill climb and it was extremely exhausting. Ankith held my hand and encouraged me to climb up, “a little more and we will be on flat land”, he would say.




I was breathless by the time I reached the flatland. It indeed was flatland and I rested for a while. Then, the next step was to climb to the peak. Appa said he won’t go up and suggested that I too stay back. I did not want to give up, after going so close. The kids started climbing fast and I took my time to go up. This time appa was with me, asking me to be careful and helping me climb. This was not tiring but very risky. It’s a steep climb and one miss step could lead to a disaster.

I did reach the top successfully along with appa. Ankith had already reached and had clicked some photos too. It took an hour to climb and what a view it was! We could see South Canara border from the top. This day and all its efforts were all worth it. Though not clear, we could still see range of mountains. We could see a river and a water falls at a distant location and we could see beauty in all directions.



It took lesser time to climb down, a small break and step two, and we had reached the gateway to the forest. We all gathered together and walked together as that was our best chance of survival in case wild elephants paid a visit. Four people who had stayed back had watched us climb the hill top and were waiting for us. We said a ton load of thanks to all of them and bid goodbye.

Known Turf:
You might have noticed I said very little about food, because we had very little. On our way back we ate some biscuits and drank some water. It was almost 5:30 and we were in a hurry to get back.

Our way back, we found new connecting roads. From Bhairapura we went towards Devavrunda circle, from there to Jannapura and finally to Gonibeedu. We followed the same protocol of asking for directions all the way till we reached the Devavrunda circle. Dad geared up, “no need to ask anyone for directions” he speeded up. We reached back home, tired, content and me, a dream fulfilled.

PS: Photo credit Ankith H S


Thursday, November 19, 2015

Missing Periods

No! I haven’t missed one
I am not pregnant
It takes a month to come
And I am missing it

I dream of periods
Blood on my hands
Blood between my thighs
To feel “fresh again”

Unbearable pain
My only desire is to rest
It is uncomfortable
An excuse, at its best

But when it comes
It comes with peace
Hormones working
Settling mood swings

I miss my periods
It’s so much fun
It’s such a roller-coaster
Also, it’s a stress buster

BhaShe

Monday, May 25, 2015

High on Cheese

Unfit pumping machine
Clogged passages
A vicious circle
Loop, repeat
I get high on cheese

Hundred rules
More complications
Heart, mind fights
Pinches at wrong places
I get high on cheese

Know the pitfalls
Nature’s calls
Going large from small
Forgetting the stroll
I get high on cheese

Not a relief or medicine
Neither a solution
Harmful than known
But compulsion driven
I get high on cheese

BhaShe

Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Light will come

In the middle of the night
When it’s dark and sleepy
I sit up and make my living

No, it’s not the need
It’s not even the money
It’s only the desire

Satisfaction, silly thing
It’s a desert mirage
Almost there, but never

No enlightenment
Middle of the nights
Serve only the strivers

As every night passes
Am close to the end
But I remain there

The light I seek
Will come to me
When I am about to sleep

BhaShe

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Impotent

His tongue is a sword, criminal mind
Words chosen wisely to play his games
He rules my world, the only area he is competent
Rest all, you will read below, he is impotent

Whatever he touches turns to dust
He always makes all wrong choices
He is the reverse of Midas touch
In these many years, he is financially impotent

He does not understand heart beats
Neither his heart, nor his mind works
Nothing that should, make an impact on him
Making it obvious, he is emotionally impotent

Sperm production has come to a halt
Smoke and booze has killed his capacity
His thing refuses to stand and do its work
I suffer, he is physically impotent

Intertwined and tangled are our lives
Troubles everywhere, no solutions
Stuck at a point, now I ponder
Has he turned me in to an incompetent?

BhaShe

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Two Cups of Joy

“Two Cups of Joy” it’s said
Two cups of poison too
Oozes milk out and
Poison in, sometimes

Genetics gift
Nature’s wrath
Sometimes a warning
Unknown path

Act, take a step
You matter
Make an informed choice
Part of the barter

Fight or flee
Surrender or kill
I did all I could
It was his will

My body
I will know
I will look after
I will show

BhaShe

Heartbreak Season

Am I shielded?
Or am I numb?

What are you seeking?
I infer, search signs
I dip my fingers in paint
Paintings happen

I walk same roads
Same lessons
Are you attempting my failure?
Hard nut

Breaking my hopes
By their tail
My middle finger talks
And I let it

Bleeding toe nails
Leave trail
Though I walk off
I remain

BhaShe

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Mesmerized

When I see you light up the world
I can’t resist but follow you
I punish myself for my acts with silence

The boundaries I set for myself
Are broken, I feel your pull
What magic have you done to me?

I try to chase you away from my mind
While I meditate, when I see you, I name you,
You resist to leave my mind, ever

I try to be angry, I try to hate you, punish you
But when I see your eyes go sad
I fail to stick to the promises made to self

I wonder what you are, who you are
Where have you come from and what’s your purpose
I am too shy to talk to you, question you

My heart runs around you like a lost puppy
My eyes smile when I see your face
What am I supposed to do?

You are too beautiful to resist
Your childlike smile and behavior
Makes me want to love you

BhaShe

Saturday, January 17, 2015

ಕಳೆದುಹೋಗಿದೆಯೊಂದು ಖಜಾನೆ

ಹೊಸರುಚಿ ಮಾಡುವ ಕಾತರ
ಹಲವು ಹಳೇ ರುಚಿಗಳ ಆಗರ
ಯಾವ ಖಾಯಿಲೆಗೂ ಇದೆ ಮದ್ದು
ಹಂಚೀಕಡ್ಡಿಯ ದೃಷ್ಟಿ, ಕೆನ್ನೆ ಮೇಲೆ ಮುತ್ತು

ಮಕ್ಕಳೆಂದರೆ ಅಪರಿಮಿತ ಪ್ರೀತಿ
"ಬಾರೋ ಬಂಗಾರ" ಅವರು ಕರೆವ ರೀತಿ
ಜೀವನದಿ ಎಂದೂ ಮುಗಿಯದ ಆಸಕ್ತಿ
ಹಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ತಂದಿಟ್ಟಿದೆ ಫಜೀತಿ

ಕ್ರೋಶಾದಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವೆಟರ್ ನ ಕೌಶಲ್ಯ
ಅವರ ಮಾತು, ಅನುಭವ ಅಮೂಲ್ಯ
ಬರೆಯಲಾಗದ್ದು ಅವರ ಭಾಂದವ್ಯ
ಅವರಿದ್ದಿದ್ದಷ್ಟೇ ನಮ್ಮ ಸೌಭಾಗ್ಯ

ಕಿತ್ತಳೆ, ಸೀಬೆ, ಬೀನ್ಸ್, ಸೌತೆಕಾಯಿ,
ಸಪೋಟ, ತೆಂಗು, ಮಾವು, ಪಪ್ಪಾಯ
ಹಣ್ಣು, ತರಕಾರಿ, ತೋಟ ಅವರ ಆಶಯ
ಅಜ್ಜಿಯ ಶಕ್ತಿ, ಯುಕ್ತಿಯ ವಿಜಯ

ಮಲೆನಾಡಿಗೆ ಬಂದು ಮನೆ ದೀಪವಾದರು
ಅಜ್ಜನ ಮನೆಯ ಶಕ್ತಿ, ದೀಪ್ತಿಯಾದರು
ಬಂಧು ಬಳಗಕ್ಕೆಲ್ಲಾ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಹಂಚಿದರು
ಸಾವನ್ನು ಬೇಡಿ ಪಡೆದು ಮರೆಯಾದರು

ನಮ್ಮ ಹೃದಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಹಾಡಾಗಿರುವ ಪದ್ಮಮ್ಮ
ಕತೆ, ಎಣ್ಣೆ ನೀರು, ಕೆಲಸದ ಕೈ ಅಜ್ಜಮ್ಮ
ನಮ್ಮ ಕಣ್ಣಿಂದ ನೀವು ಹೀಗೆ ಮರೆಯಾದರೂ
ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಯಾರೂ ಮರೆಯಲಾರರು

ನಿಮ್ಮ ಬೆಳಕು

ಭಾಶೆ

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Seed in Your Stomach

I am a seed in your stomach
You cannot digest me
You did not chew me on my way down
You saved your life and mine

The fruit that had me, was sweet
I guessed you were terribly hungry
You gobbled and swallowed
Like a hungry animal

Did you know I was poison?
Or you just randomly swallowed?
Now that I came untouched
I cannot kill you either

I will move out of your system
Not harmed, not harming
I will have enough fertilizer and moist
To make a life out of me

Are you just a lucky ass?
Or a learned know-it-all?
As you have managed
To save two lives at once.

BhaShe

Friday, December 19, 2014

The Storm has Passed

The storm has passed

Busy erasing the scars, that
Making memories have halted
Refresh, start over, and leave the scars alone

Have been traveling the whole night
Direction west
Do I see a tinge of orange in my mirror?
Like light moves in circles
Have I taken a U turn?
Am I back at where I started?
But with a different direction

Some tunnels on my way were so lit
That I forgot sun
Sun, who lights up the whole world
Sometimes it is so cloudy
Sun does not make a difference at all

It is the light inside me
That is lighting up my world
It is the god inside me
That is keeping me alive

Forget and ban the sounds from outside
Let me hear the voices from my stomach
It is not easy; I am tuned out till now
But I hear a static, I hear noises
Am sure, I will tune in, soon,

Reflections are guiding me
They are taking me places
When in dark, I see light
And I see reflections too
Bat ears and cat eyes

The storm has passed
Is it time to settle down?
Is it time to prepare for another one?
I shake myself off the dust
Thinking I am a phoenix
And I wonder

BhaShe

Thursday, December 18, 2014

By the End

Stay away,
You don’t belong here
I close my doors on you
I need no pain

Shed those bags
Those and more
But even then
You are not really free

I am afraid of you
I am excited by you
I am confused by this
And I am working my sheet

Balance sheet in the process
Assets and liabilities
Yours and mine
It is in progress

Wait outside the door
I take time to do my math
Only if I see a profit
Will I let you inside

Stay where you are
Don’t push any buttons
I haven’t yet figured out
You might just be nothing

You might just be
A beautifully packed pain
An absent dream
A no one and nothing by the end

BhaShe

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

White Sheet

I stare at a white sheet
Not knowing what to write

When hurt is a tumor in my throat
When I have been the scapegoat
When the wounds won’t heal, but rot
I stare, not knowing what to write

When my ears drums are bombarded
Every emotion gets aborted, retarded
Remedies I try fail as soon as they are started
I stare, not knowing what to write

Though I desire to wish away pain
For peace, love, harmony to remain
Journey to unknown currents to detain
I stare, not knowing what to write

Are his doors open for me, I wonder
Have I missed his call, his murmur?
Will I find my soul, my peace, inside, under?
I stare, not knowing what to write

BhaShe

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Between Lines

I can keep reading
Between the lines
Till lines are written

Move your hands
Write more lines
Leave me dots to connect

It’s like studying
Handwriting
Content, does not matter

All I need
Is you to keep writing
So I can keep reading

If you stop and let go
My foundation is shaken
My castles would fall down

I stack up
Books, sheets, pens
And refreshments

You are writing my life
I cease to live
When your pen stops

BhaShe

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The bitch inside, does not die

When it rains outside
The darkness inside emerges
Swallowing the goodness
Showing all wildness

When a thunderstorm passes by
We get enough air to breathe
That’s when our feet is on ground
That’s when we feel challenged

When it’s dark and cold outside
We use some drinks
Take cold from outside as ice
And dark as drink, sip by sip

When a volcano erupts
We warm our hands and legs
Put it out in one breath
Like squashing a cigarette

The bitch inside, does not die
It comes out when we decide
We are angels otherwise
The bitch inside, does not die

BhaShe

Pushed out of my dreamland

Pushed out of my dreamland
To reality
I realize

I am tiny little person
On the face of earth
I ponder about

Significance of my existence
Purpose of life
Importance of emotions
Source of peace

I realize that I am this human
With 2 legs and 2 hands
And I am like everybody
And everybody is like me

I am nothing different
But unique
I am one among the group
But doesn’t belong

Why I laugh or cry
Or happy or sad
Or disheartened
Or angry with what?

I persistently search
For the door back to my dreamland
To remain there, as I was
And not be part of reality.

BhaShe

Beauty

It’s like walking on a mud road
Holding a stick in my hand
Along my foot steps
It draws a line, a mark - temporary

It’s like having a song in my ears
It’s humming to me, am humming it
Am swirled in its melody and lyrics
It’s stuck to my mood and mind

It’s like walking with the breeze
Letting it play with my hair
Feeling it all around me
Seeing it through my closed eyes

It’s a feeling inside
That gives me goose bumps
Not knowing what it exactly is
But knowing it is very dear to me

May be, I have fallen in love
Fallen in love with the new found self
May be, I have starting loving me more
A lot more than I ever did

BhaShe