Sunday, August 29, 2010

Typical Indian Wife

This thought came, while I was thinking about someone, who is more like Krishna in his lifestyle. He is attractive, charming and girls fall for him very easily. He is married and knows his life. Even married females fall for him. This detail that married females fall for him, made me think a little deeper about a females life. It has become common now that irrespective of being married, people are falling in love. They are seeking something, be it emotional, physical or financial, but something from outside. I have heard many such cases and have been thinking about it for long.

Now-a-days we girls fight for equality and freedom and for every other thing. We earn and have seen the world as much as a guy. We define our rules and live by them. Love marriages have increased and so is the divorce rate. Financial independence and current social system has given women all support to be her own.

I used to see my grandmother touch my grandfather’s feet every morning before getting out of bed. I saw her do this till the day grandpa died. My mom, falls on to my dad’s feet only at festivals and some special occasions. I fell on to my husband’s feet only at my wedding and after that I never did. What I am trying to show here is that the progression of equality feeling. I cannot or may not be able to see God in my husband as my granny did in hers.

If we are looking at the spiritual nature of the human beings I listed above, granny had her own way, mom has her and I am trying to find mine. The more we are getting educated and freed, the more confused we are when it comes to being spiritual and understanding life.

Probably, some 80 – 100 years ago, when girls used to get married at early ages, they had less knowledge about life and guess been less confused. Ignorance was bliss in disguise for them. Guess, they would think their husband as god and with the “Samaprpan” feeling they would do all “seva” (service) to them. Personalizing God in the form of husband and gaining “mukti” because of it sounds easy.

Just imagine having God as husband: be happy to see him every morning, touch his feet with great “bhakti” and do all his “seva” as he pleases. Prepare food for him, take care of his kids, do everything as an order of the god and still keep the mind detached from all the household works. Does sounds very simple isn’t it?

He would be the only man in her life, no love, no extra marital affairs, nothing. Living a life just to take care of the god, who is in the form of husband. I guess this kind of life with a real spiritual husband would lead to mukti for sure.

Today, being responsible for all the activities one does and still be detached from it sounds so tough. Office, house, all love affairs one had, all set of attractions, so many temptations in front of one, that people have forgotten some of the greatest ways of achieving mukti.

I get jealous of those gopikas’ who could just see god in front of them and love him unconditionally and be his always. This form of unconditional love gave them what they seek… calmness and peace of mind. I also feel jealous of those typical Indian wives of old ages, who would have done everything as seva to god and would have had a very selfless life.

Being selfless, being detached and having the feeling that what ever is been done from us, are as per the orders of God and we are just means to fulfill his wish, is said to be one of the greatest ways to lead a life. In today’s tensions, responsibilities and all other earthy feelings, even thinking of having such a life sounds so impossible. Sometimes, I wish I was ignorant like those gopikas’ or the typical Indian wives of early ages, where I could just do all my work and still have my feet on the ground all the time.

I cannot go back in time or cannot change the way I feel for my husband. I can’t call him god because I am knowledgeable enough to find his mistakes and fight with him. Guess I have to struggle really hard to have a personalization of god in a human form and do everything as they please. Seeing today’s Guru’s and situations of Math’s, treating them as god has also become impossible. Due to our greed, we have lost the easiest way to reach god.

I reach back to all books I could find, read them and try my best to be what I want to be. “I do not want to know how my future is going to be, because know I will build it the way I want it to be”. On this note, I say bye till my next post.


Friday, August 20, 2010

Risking in Rain

1. Drinking water while traveling in rainy season

I left Bangalore on Saturday, 14th August 2010, to go to my native. After the ‘Nagara Panchami” festival, I have had many ‘kadubu’s, 2 -3 rounds of coffee and enormous amount of water. My aunt, from whose place I left, asked me several times, if I am going to get down in the journey to pee. I, with great amount of confidence said, no aunt, it’s just a 6 + 1 hour journey and I don’t go out. She was concerned because I was carrying my office laptop. Obvious, one has to be cautious when they are carrying such things.

When I reached kempegowda bus station, I thought of emptying by bladder once, but then, as I had to get inside the bus stop and do, as a bus was ready to leave, which will make me cover 230 km’s of my journey of 252, I canceled the plan and went and sat in the bus.

By the time I reached the next stop, I felt my tank getting filled very fast, and felt the necessity to empty it. After crossing about 100 kms, bus stops for a while for tea, lunch, whatever that is appropriate at that time. I ran out of the bus, with my laptop in to the toilet, emptied my tank and came out with ‘ah!’ on my face.
The moment I emptied my tank, I started feeling thirsty, so bought some cucumber, a bottle of maaza and some chips and went back to my seat. Cucumber was really good, had all the junk I carried and started drinking maaza.

After traveling about 100 km’s, my brain started receiving signals about the requirement to empty my tank again. I had to get down from the bus in about 35 kms, and which will leave me 22 kms away from my native. I thanked God and every other thing, that I did not get a direct bus, which would have put me in impossible situations. I was sure that I will not be able to control for 22 more kms having all sorts of ups and downs and twists and turns on the road.

I got out of the bus, but for my shock the bus stations was demolished and so was the toilet. Bus station was now moved to a college ground. I was devastated. Where am I going to go? I have to travel 22 kms, and I don’t know when the bus will come, and I have to empty my tank ASAP.

Otherwise, I was sure some public embarrassment would happen. Have you watched the SATC – The Movie? – do you remember that lady who poops in her pant in front of her friends? I was imagining myself in that situation with a difference that I would be peeing and would be facing 50+ strangers. This thought itself drove me to search for a toilet.

Went to a girl standing close by and asked her, if she knows about any place where I can go and empty. She said she does not know. As it was a college ground, I asked her if the college would have one. She said try your luck.

I walked across the field and went inside. It was a Saturday evening, and on top of that a festival day. Whom do you expect in a college? Probably no one…
For my surprise, a room was open and 2 guys were sitting taking some printouts. I went inside like a storm and the only words came out of my mouth was, ‘is there a toilet nearby?’ They looked at each others face out shock. Guess I am the only girl they have met in their life who asked this question to them on face, without any hesitation. I repeated the question and one of them showed me where it is.

Way to the heaven was shown. I left my entire luggage in that room and asked them to watch till I come back. ‘Ah!’ again. Came out with a smile of relief and thanked them. The shock on their face was still intact even when I was walking out.

Next bus, 22 kms to my home… it rained heavily on the way and I needed a very warm welcome. Hot water in the “bachhalu hande” and tasty food from mom’s hand, did give me a warm welcome.

I just decided on 2 things. 1. Will never boast that I can hold on without emptying and 2. Will never drink too much water, or have food that contains too much water content when planning to travel.

2. Traveling 12 kms on the bike, with laptop, in rain

Yeah! Did I say I took off and went home? Actually there was a promise made to my boss to take this off, that I would be available on mail if required. I carried the network card, but it did not work in my native. The only option I had was to travel to the close by taluk HQ and check if net works there. My bad luck it did not work there too. All these testing I finished on Sunday itself, so that I can make a plan for Monday. Now the last option was to use net in cyber café.

Monday evening went alone to HQ, and started working. Few calls made, mails checked, and work finished. For us, Bangaloreans, 8:00 pm is just evening, but at a village like mine, it’s night. Dad called up 10 times to check when I am leaving and how I am going to come and all that. Thankfully my cousin joined me there and parents were happy about the safe journey I am going to have.

To avoid this, I decided to start early, the next day. My cousin also wanted to join, so he suggested we would go in bike and come back. I wore my dad’s water proof jacket and pant, put my laptop in a big plastic cover and sat behind him. The moment we left, it started raining.

This journey, where the rain drops were hitting my face really hard and am having 2 mobiles, a laptop to protect from water, was one of the best travels I have had in rain. I was not able to open my eyes and my eyes were burning.

After reaching HQ, I started my work and my cousin went to finish his work. I had a call at 4:30 PM and at 4:00 PM my bladder started giving signals to empty my tank. Oh! God! Where am I going to go? I have a call and am sitting in a cyber café where no such facilities are available.

I asked the café owner, he suggested that I should reach to the hotel nearby and ask. I ran to that place, and thankfully they had a toilet. I was back to the café with all my concentration only on the call and nothing else.

In rainy season, whenever I leave home, empty the tank and then move – very strong lesson learnt. (In Bangalore you will find 100 places and ways to manage this, but in villages, unless you are ready to do the “road side thing”, one will have tough times finding toilets)

3. Climbing up a guava tree

Nothing about emptying tank here…it’s all about filling the tank.
In my doddamma’s house, they have this beautiful guava tree which produces very sweet and tasty guava fruits. Guava trees are normally very slippery and they get very risky in rainy season. This tree which was full of fruits was very tempting and I wanted to climb up.

Dad climbed first and he picked many fruits for me and he came back. I ate 2 – 3 fruits and then decided to go up on the tree, pluck some fruit and have it on top. That gives a very different feeling. Have you ever climbed up a tree? And had a fruit sitting on top of it?

It was after long time I was climbing. I was so very happy and excited. One, two, three, branches climbed and yes! If not on top of the world, at least I was on top of the tree. Had a fruit standing there looking at the lush greenery around, my cousin took some pictures of mine, standing on top, (I don’t know when I will get the chance to climb a tree again) climbed down.

My native is a small little dreamland for me, where whatever I do is accepted and enjoyed. I shouted out loud standing in the midst of paddy field, laughed out loud with my dad and mom and got drenched in rain. Had cramps all over my legs due to cold weather and enjoyed that pain.

Back to reality, sitting and thinking about the great days I had and writing about it, so that I can share it with you.
Thanks for reading.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


You told clearly, you won’t come back
For every noise at the door, my heart beat raises
I think you have come, I expect you

You have no interest in me
Neither am in your list of priorities
I still am madly in love with you

Use me like a tissue paper at least
I will live for the rest of my life with joy
With the satisfaction of being yours for a while

Give me pain, give me a wound
Give me a reason to live this life
Without you, this life makes no sense

Now I am living, hoping you will come back
Dreaming of having a life with you
Praying to God, to see your face once more in my life.