Friday, December 18, 2009
I like to spend my life with the one whom I love
I am not a man, I am not a woman,
I am a soul trapped inside a body
I like to live with the one whom I love
who cares for me, who's presence is irreplaceable
who wants to be with me as my companion
who is a my kind of person, a human being
I am not a king or a queen
I don't need a heir, I don't have a throne
it is my life, my small simple life
I want to live it my way, only my way
I think beyond the bodies we are attached, for my love
it is compatibility and attachment that matters
my love is beyond and above all social boundaries
I love my life and wants it to be fulfilling
you clean your eyes, I have the purest love
you clean your ears, I have the sweetest words,
you clean your heart, I have the best companion
you and me, we, lets look at this world differently.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I feel a need for search... have I lost any thing?
By my intention or not
Now am part of this rat race...!!!
Do I really wanted to be this?
If I follow a great human being in every step
I will just be a bad remake, and not ME!
So where was I? And where is it going?
I still await for some magic,
I still believe in dreams coming true,
now! Alas! My dream box is empty and white
What's waiting for me in the doorstep?
Its hard to understand the amount of let go's
when you are making your self in to “your self”
so many colors around, so many sounds heard
am still a child in this world with barely open eyes
I am standing in a place where
every one else is moving a fast forward motion
thinking whether to be a part of them or not
thinking how not to be part of them and be it always!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I was in 6th standard when I did my first drama in school. That was the story of Ekalavya, where I played the role of Ekalavya. I was thrilled as my teachers preferred me over other students in my class and in 7th standard. I was the only one from 6th in the team, rest all were from 7th. I think that was the time I got attracted towards acting.
Then on, though I did not performed in any more dramas (coz none of my teachers were interested in making one) I always wanted to act.
I grew up hearing the stories about my Ajja (mom's dad) doing dramas. I always thought when I grow up and move to bigger cities, I will also be part of theatre.
I grew up, moved to a bigger city, but had no choice to expand my horizon, as I was staying in a jail like hostel. However, when you have the fire inside, it’s hard to hide it.
I was in second year of my graduation when my Kannada sir Mr. Mallesh Gowda decided to make a play for the college day celebrations. Me, and some of his students got selected for the play.
The drama was created based on a story we had about two Rushi's finding out the pain of a poor farmer. He created the script. We all read it good number of times and got ready to put the expressions on.
Practice went on really well and the performance too. So there I was with a new recognition in college.
I had more fun when we played the drama I wrote, for our third year inauguration. That was a comedy flick where an arrogant daughter (I played that role), humble father and sister are hosting a polite guy, his dominating mother and deaf father who have come for bride interview. I had a wardrobe makeover, image makeover after this play. It was a huge success and an unforgettable moment in my life.
For my final year college day celebration, I was part of another drama where I played the role of Yamaraj. It is the only element I remember about that drama.
I moved to a much bigger city, Bangalore. Within 4 months of entering this city, I was part of a theatre group called 'The First Act'. My dreams were true and I was up in the sky when I joined the group.
We organized a theatre festival which was a huge success. Our group also had a play but as I had exams I was not part of the play. I worked for the marketing team and it was fun too.
It’s been more than 2 years that I did all this. Those golden days are safe in my memory and now in my blog too. Another all time attraction in my life - theatre.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
ನನ್ನ ನೆನ್ನೆಗಳನ್ನ ನನ್ನ ನಾಳೆಗಳನ್ನ
ಅಮ್ಮ ಹೇಳುತ್ತಿರುತ್ತಾಳೆ, ಹಾಗೆ ನನಗೂ ನೆನಪಿದೆ
ತಟ್ಟೆ ತುಂಬಾ ತುಂಬಿಟ್ಟ ಅಕ್ಕಿ, ರಾಗಿ ಕಾಳಿನಲ್ಲಿ
ಒಂದು ಕಾಳೂ ಹೊರಚೆಲ್ಲದೆ, ಹರವುತ್ತಾ, ಗುಡ್ಡೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾ
ಕೈಯ ಬಳೆಯ ಅದರಲ್ಲಿ ಹುದುಗಿಸಿ, ಮುಚ್ಚಿ, ತೆಗೆದು ಆಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದುದು
ಬೇಸರವೇ ಆಗುತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ, ಯಾವಾಗಲು
ಇಂದು, ಒಮ್ಮೊಮ್ಮೆ ನನ್ನೊಳಗೆ ಮಲಗಿರುವ ಮರಿ ಸೌಮ್ಯಳನ್ನು ಎಬ್ಬಿಸುತ್ತೇನೆ
ನನ್ನೊಳಗೆ ನೆನ್ನೆಯ ಜೀವನ ತುಂಬಲು ಪ್ರಯತ್ನಿಸುತ್ತೇನೆ
ನಾಳೆಗಳ ಯೋಚನೆಗಳ, ಭಯಗಳ ಭಾರಕ್ಕೆ
ಎದೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಎದ್ದು ಕುಳಿತ ಮರಿ ಸೌಮ್ಯ ಮುದುರಿ ಮೂಲೆ ಸೇರುತ್ತಾಳೆ
ಅಳುತ್ತಾ ನಿದ್ದೆ ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾಳೆ, ನೆನ್ನೆಗಳು ಬರೀ ನೆನ್ನೆಗಳಾಗುತ್ತವೆ
ನಾಳೆ ಮಕ್ಕಳ ದಿನಾಚರಣೆ, ಎಲ್ಲ ನೆನ್ನೆಗಳು ನೆನಪಲಿ ಸಾಲುಗಟ್ಟಿವೆ
ಶಾಲೆಯ ಸಂಭ್ರಮ, ಆಚರಣೆಯ ಅಧ್ಯಕ್ಷತೆ,
ಆಟ, ಹಾಡು, ಖುಷಿ, ಬಾಲ್ಯ ಎಷ್ಟಾದರೂ ಬಾಲ್ಯವೇ
ನಾಳೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಕ್ಕಳ ದಿನಾಚರಣೆ, ಅದೆಷ್ಟು ವ್ಯತ್ಯಾಸ
ಬಟ್ಟೆ ಒಗೆವ, ಮನೆ ಗುಡಿಸುವ, ಪಾತ್ರೆ ತೊಳೆವ ಚಿಂತೆ
ನನಗೆ ಗೊತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ, ನಾನು ಯಾರದೋ ಕಥೆಯನ್ನ ಬಾಳುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇನೆ
ನಗುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇನೆ, ಅಳುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇನೆ, ಯಾರದೋ ಸೂಚನೆಗಳಂತೆ
ನನ್ನ ದಿನಗಳು ಯಾವೂ ನನ್ನ ಕೈಗೆ ಸಿಗಲೇ ಇಲ್ಲ, ಬಾಲ್ಯವೂ, ಯವ್ವನವೂ
ಆದರೂ ಇದ್ದೇನೆ, ಗೊಂಬೆಯಂತೆ, ಶವದಂತೆ, ಇಂದಿನ ಬದುಕಿನಂತೆ
ನನ್ನ ನೆನ್ನೆಗಳು ನನ್ನವಾಗಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ, ನನ್ನ ನಾಳೆಗಳು ನನ್ನವಲ್ಲ
ನನ್ನ ಇಂದುಗಳು ಕರಗುವುದು ಅರಿವಿಗೆ ಬರುತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Though I had done some radio while attending quizzes and all I was nervous. Practiced for good number of times and yes I was ready at last.
Recording alone was also a wonderful experience. Sitting in the recording room which is sound proof, acting by the instructions of the radio jockey over there, hmmmm I enjoyed every second of it. I think my program was for 15 or 20 minutes. Recording was over and I was out of the room.
Mr. RJ showed me the disk on which my voice is recorded and he played it too. Wow! It was awesome to hear my voice. I was extremely happy.
The broadcast was scheduled for another day. Happily I left the AIR Hassan station.
Fortunately my mom visited me on the day when my poetry got broad-casted as my aunt had come down from California. We all me, mom, aunt, mom's dad, lot more family people were gathered at my grand pa's place.
Portico where we were sitting was dead silent and everyone’s ears were hooked to radio. Yes... It started on time, went on and got over. Every one applauded and congratulated me. Mom was more than happy like me.
I never did radio again. I never thought of doing it or taking it seriously even after observing the buzz of it in Bangalore and even after doing my project on Radio listenership. Now a weak voice inside me calls for doing more. When I hear so many radio stations here in Bangalore, I feel like reaching them, just to know if I can do something here too.
Am writing this blog while listening to radio... and hoping to be part of it in any way.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Do not expect for some adventures in kitchen. Though I have less amount of experience in kitchen till now what ever I have prepared, has come out very deliciously. So this article is not a comedy or horror show to you. Its just sharing of my experience in kitchen.
Before you even think that am sharing some new dishes or something, let me tell you that I never liked cooking. I used to run away from kitchen always and I have very limited experience in kitchen.
In 3 months of my married life I have cooked thrice. First time I went to make Chitranna which became vichtranna. However, it tasted really good and my hubby gave 70% marks. Next time it was poori and eerulli aaloogedde (onion, potato) palya. Except that salt was little less even that was good. My marks got stabilized at 70% and I just had to improve.
Since a long time I wanted to eat “anna and tili saaru” in my attes' style. All my attes' (Manjula, Naagu, and Vijaya) are very good in making tili saaru and after my wedding I started missing that saru that I used to have. Though I have an option of visiting their house and getting it, I had a desire of having saru anna at my home.
Sunday, after a spicy day with hot fight with my husband and after taking hours to cool down, I decided to make tili saaru for dinner. This was the first time I was making tili saaru independently, so I was nervous and excited.
Am in no mood to tell you the process I followed to make saaru, as you may know it or rather copy it. Only thing you get know is the appreciation I received. We sat for dinner at around 9:35. My mom in law had eaten something prior so she said she is just gonna taste the food. I was damn hungry and I guess my hubby too was.
First round, thinking of god, I served them anna (rice) and saaru (rasam). Hubby said “Kannada Saaru” after taking the first bite. Then there was a silence for a minute and yea.... I ate it it.. it was awesome. My in law and hubby went on and on and on. Mom in law who sat to taste was up for next round. In minutes, saaru was over. My cooking expert mom in law asked me how to make this saaru.(yupiee she knows all other types of cooking, kerala, tamil nadu, andhra, and north indian style and she asked me this.....hooooray) Hmmmm..... I am so proud of myself for preparing such delicious saaru.
Today, while am writing this, my level of confidence in cooking has gone rocket high and am on the 9th cloud. Now I think of preparing something every day.
Let me see for how many days this spirit will remain.
(You are free to pray for the spirit to remain)
Sunday, August 9, 2009
We are a group of 8, with friends, boy n girl friends, ex’s and every sort of modern mess up. Me and Amar had been dating each other since 3 – 4 years. Now that my parents wanted me to get married, and as Amar was moving to Canada, for his job, with no plans of marriage, we had to break up. I was badly hurt, but was not able and did not want to express it. We were thrilled by the idea of break up party of “Love aaj kal” planed for break up trip.
We left here on last Friday night on 4 bikes. It was a full moon night, sky was almost clear, night was calm. Long stretch of straight roads didn’t thrill us much.
I said last trip to Goa in the beginning right? Yea….. it will be the last trip with friends. I fell in love with Goa, the first time I visited there and then it became our second home. Everything about Goa thrills me. Adventure sports, drinks, sleepless night and time I get with Amar there. We got intimate in one of our trips to Goa, so it means so much for me.
We had stopped on the way to warm up ourselves with a smoke. There were two roads in front of us, one which takes to Goa and another which is unexplored. It was a small road and we have never noticed it at all.
We thought of exploring this small new road. It was a mud road having lantana bushes on both sides. We rode for about 2 – 3 kilo miters and we saw a big rather very big lake. Absence of blowing wind has made the lake look calm and as a big sheet of glass. Moon light created a different effect, making the lake look more than beautiful. The shore of the lake was small and biking looked difficult.
We parked our bikes close by and decided to take a walk on the shore. I was leaning on Amar and walking on the shore was like walking on the path of roses for me. I knew my life will never be the same again. We walked kilo meters and reached an areca nut plantation. Fencing of the plantation was near the shore and it continued for a long stretch. We continued walking on the shore and reached the end of fencing and beginning of forest. We decided not to entre forest and move back, but we saw a water flow feeding the lake.
We changed our decision and followed the water flow in the forest. A big pond was the source of the water flow. We were all tired by that time and decided to rest. We sat down across the shore of the pond and started up with usual talk.
Then we saw a group of three, two guys and a gal coming out of the thick forest behind. They were talking about wild life and sounded as explorers of forest. They had modern bows and arrows and sharp knives. After they saw us they wanted to get all of us out of the forest safely.
Vikram was leading that group of three and was an expert in wild life. He warned to get out of farest ASAP.
In the mean while Naina throwed a stone in to the pond which obviously created waves. Sanjana, who was pretty much enjoying watching the clear water and moons reflection got annoyed and started fighting with Naina.
Water which was clear like gloss turned muddy in seconds. Movements inside the water increased as a hyper reaction to the stone thrown. We were all surprised, then Meena, from the team of three said that the movement in the water was not because of the stone and it is natural.
She continued: After certain time in the night, some creatures inside water become active and hunt for their food. As other nocturnal creatures they sleep in day and function in night. This also means that this is the time when other animals in the forest come to drink water. So this means we had limited time to get out of the forest.
Vikram showed a different way to get out… we all followed him. It was a wet and watery place inside the arecanut plantation. There was a small channel with slow water flow. Sky was fully covered by clouds and as we were waling inside the plantation the tall arecanut trees has made the place darker.
We were waling only based on Vikram’s instructions. Something moved in the water and suddenly Vikram took and arrow shot in a second. He said its a big fish which got missed in a fraction of second. We moved ahead.
Kiran, who was with Vikram had already hit 2 fishes. They had a plan of getting back to the forest and camping there for few more days.
After a point me and Vikram got separated from the group. Vikram lost his way and we were on a different path. As we walked down with the hope of joining the group again we entered another boundary with newly planted arecanut plants and more ups and downs as the place was newly cultivated.
Vikram suspected snake presence there so we walked carefully through the accumulated bio-garbage. After walking for a while we found a water source where some bamboos were put. Vikram said wading may be risky as we walked carefully on the bamboo poles.
There we heard a lady and a kid talking about a deer. Ah! At last we had reached main road we thought. Alas! We were wrong. The lady and the baby are from the local tribal group.
For our surprise we saw a dog protecting a newly born deer. When we observed it closely we were shocked to death to see that it was a cross breed of deer and dog. Vikram decided to take that creature to his laboratory.
Me… away from Amar in the safe hands of Vikram decided to move on to a new life.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
ದೂಡಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಹೊರಬಂದ ಹಕ್ಕಿ ನಾನು
ಹಾರಿ, ಹಾಡಿ, ದಣಿದು ಇಂಧನ ತೀರಿದೆ ಇಂದು
ಹೋಗಲಾರೆನು ಮರಳಿ ಗೂಡಿಗೆ, ಅಮ್ಮನ ಮಡಿಲಿಗೆ
ಅವಳ ಕಣ್ಣೆದುರಿಗೇ ಅವಳೇರದೆತ್ತರಕೆ ಹಾರಿದ್ದೆ
ಅವಳ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೀಗ ನಾನು ದೊಡ್ಡವಳು, ಬೆಳೆದು ನಿಂತವಳು
ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಡಿಲಿಗೆ ಬರಲಾರಳೇನೋ ಎಂದು ಸಮಾಧಾನಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು
ನಾನೇರಿದ ಎತ್ತರವನ್ನ ಅಳೆದು ಖುಷಿಪಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದಾಳೆ
ನನಗೂ ಮತ್ತೆ ಮಡಿಲಿಗೆ ಹೋಗಿ ಬೀಳಲು ಹಿಂಜರಿಕೆ
ನಾನು ಕಷ್ಟ ಪಟ್ಟು ಕಟ್ಟಿದ್ದ "ಬೆಳೆದೆ"ನೆಂಬ ಭ್ರಮೆ ಮುರಿವುದೆಂದು
ಅದಕೇ ಅಮ್ಮನ ಕಣ್ಣಿಂದ ದೂರ ಹಾರಿ ಬಂದಿದ್ದೇನೆ
ನೆಲ ಸೇರಿದ್ದೇನೆ, ಕಣ್ಣೀರಾಗಿದ್ದೇನೆ, ಹಸಿದಿದ್ದೇನೆ
ನನಗೀಗ ಅಮ್ಮನ ನೆನಪಷ್ಟೇ, ಗೂಡು ಬಲು ದೂರ
ಅವಳ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯದೇ ನೆನಪು, ಅವಳ ಸೇರುವ ತವಕ
ಕಣ್ಮುಚ್ಚಿದರೆ ಅವಳ ಮುಖ, ಕಣ್ತೆರೆದರೆ ಕಣ್ಣೀರು
ಬಾಯ್ಬಿಟ್ಟರೆ ಮಾತಿಗಿಂತ ಬಿಕ್ಕಳಿಕೆಯೇ ಜಾಸ್ತಿ
ನನ್ನ ಕಣ್ಣೀರಿಗೆ, ಕರುಳ ಕರೆಗೆ ಅವಳೇ ಹುಡುಕಿ ಬಂದಳೇನೋ ... ಆಸೆ
ಅವಳಿಗೆ ನಾನು ಸೋತಿರುವುದು ಗೊತ್ತೇ ಆಗಿರಲಿಕ್ಕಿಲ್ಲ
ಮುರಿದ ರೆಕ್ಕೆಗಳಿಂದ ಕಣ್ಣೀರೋರೆಸಿ ಕುಂಟುತ್ತಾ ನಡೆಯುತ್ತೇನೆ
ಗೂಡಿನ ಆಸೆ ಮನದಲ್ಲಿ, ಅತಿಯಾದ ಸ್ವಾಭಿಮಾನ ತಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ
Friday, July 10, 2009
As we had gone there in bike, we parked it in the adjacent road which is a parking area (where normally all Leela visitors park their bikes) and went inside. Prabhu has been parking his bike there since long. He also left his helmet in the safety lock as usual.
Athena, as usual was partly crowded at 9:30. Though DJ Shash (hope this is the right spelling, he is called so all the time, don’t know his full name) was inside, he was not playing music. It was just the warm up music which was played and we were standing, sitting, moving around, and waiting for Shash to start. After a long warm up secession, at 10:30, DJ started with his house music. By this time Athena was fully crowded and ready to rock.
Some known songs remixed, some new ones, hmmm… it started. Every body was dancing and screaming and having fun. Prabhu and Mr. A started with their regular steps. They forgot that they have come with their partners and were dancing with each other. We three girls, with no better option (as our partners were busy) were a group.
I could see bottles and shots going around and getting empty, packets of fire getting burnt what not? Some were clicking photos, some were looking for partners, some were just watching and some dancing like hell, lot of show offs, the ones who have a partner in hand were also looking for some new ones, all that which happens in a regular discotheque.
Till 12, one and a half hours of amazing music, we all were sweated in there. Now all pains slowly showed up as a result of marathon dancing. Party was over and every one started moving out.
I could see broken bottles, spilled drinks, “not able to walk” people and bouncers and friends helping them out of the place. Happy and relaxed we went to the parking lot.
After reaching parking lot, we used the first method of searching his bike. Look for a black pulsar, having a helmet on its back. We walked the whole stretch but couldn’t locate. Now the second method – look for the number. Yes here it is… but… are… there is no helmet!!!
I know you all have seen the regular helmet lock used in bikes. If you have not, see this.
This is what Prabhu had in his bike too.
We went close and realized that the helmet lock was broken. First I thought it should be water tanker, which was standing there, might have come close and the helmet lock got broke. Thinking that the helmet would be lying on the floor I searched for it. But for our shock we saw most of the bikes parked there have had their locks broken and helmets vanished. Oppps… I can’t believe it. In this area, next to Leela, helmets are stolen.
Our entire good mood with high energy went down. Cursing the thieves, Prabhu opens the bike lock. And again petrol indicator has gone 3 points below. Heights!!! We head to the one and only hotel which stays open late nights, close to MG road, to get food.
At Ms. S1’s place again, in the after party mood, we all eat, play games and head back home. Prabhu’s eyes, for the first time, was getting filled with tears, as he rode the bike, due to high speed and cold wind at 3 in the night, in the empty stretch of ring road. We can’t stop cursing those thieves. Prabhu decides that he will park the bike in Ms. S1’s place, which is very close by, next time on.
Next morning, Prabhu buys a new helmet and a new wire helmet lock (which comes with either a key or number lock) and makes sure his helmet stays safe. Now I understand what “parking at your own risk” means.
We have moved out of 1940's and 50's, where probably was, marriage a sole proprietorship, husband being the owner and ruler. Exceptions set apart. It is 2009 now and for a marriage to be successful, rather to fix a relationship, we have to understand that both parties in the relation are equal.
Why anybody gets married?
When one is madly in love with someone and wants to share a bond, accepted by the society, for a life time. When one feels alone and have grown old enough to start and handle two lives. One wants to reproduce, have a family and take up the responsibility. I mean it all comes close to one answer, that is when one want some real change in life and when one is strong enough to hold the responsibility.
Mind or heart? What to follow when it comes to choosing a partner?
It depends on what orientation one has towards life. If you are a very calculative and business minded person, following heart may cause dissatisfaction in later stages. The ones, who always deal through heart, please follow your heart in love and marriage too.
For a girl, financial security is not the only reason for marriage. Most girls are as strong as man when it comes to financial security. They earn and they have their own terms. They marry for the need of having a bond with their loved ones.
Even boys want a bond and some one to be there for them always. They have the need for someone who can take care of them all the time. They need a partner who will be together forever and from whom they can see their next generation.
Partner, companion is what is required, not a dominating bodyguard or a spy. - Though we say world has become a village, distance between people is increasing. Though we have n number of ways to reach/contact people, having one with whom everything can be shared, is very less. The need to have a truthful partner has increased. Complications in life are mostly created by feeling less relationships and disbelief.
Understanding – I understand that everybody on this earth is not mind readers, to understand someone in their first looks. However, we should understand ourselves very well so that we know what we want. Keeping oneself open in front of the partner makes life simpler.
Limit your expectations - one should keep limits for things to expect from their partner. No one is perfect including you. So in that scenario expecting a perfect partner is stupidity.
Sacrifice - when it is mutual understanding and sharing of a lifetime relationship, there is always a need for sacrifice. On the first hand, it looks impossible and heartbreaking but in the long run, this plays as a bondage and strengthens the relationship. Don’t blindly be ready for sacrifice. Have your limits in that as well. Don’t let your partner take you for granted all the time. There is fun in fighting too… some times.
Putting your self in the shoes of your partner - when it comes to understanding and decision making put your self in your partner’s shoes and try and understand their point of view. Two brains are better than one.
Commitment - On top of all these, you should have the strength to carry a relationship for lifetime and faith in your decision about the life partner you have chosen. Please don’t commit a relationship if you don’t have the strength to carry it. Always try to stick to your commitments. Never break one, unless you feel that you will loose yourself by sticking to it. Because when a heart breaks no one hears the sound, but the impact can be as worse to spoil a life or end a life.
No one’s life is a bed of roses, its not cake walk. But making it work and making it go on is always in your hands.
At some point of life we all feel the need of a partner, who can hold hands and be a support. So while choosing that partner, make sure you choose the one who is best for you, not the best in the town. It’s your life after all. Make sure you won’t regret for your decision at any point in your life.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I hate him
coz he is so charming
attractive and interesting
coz he is a nice human being
I hate him
coz he didn't notice me any time
coz his smile was so spare
coz he was so rarely seen
I hate him
coz I was attracted
coz I wanted to be noticed
coz I wasn't able to explain him
I hate him
coz I like him
coz I hoped to be in his circle
coz he left me incomplete
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I had a supporting shoulder fortunately. I rarely share my tears but that day, she was with me. She identified that am going to break and she took me in her hands. I had a hand to wipe my tears and ears to listen to my pain (so called, actually). I was worried about something, which I cannot do anything even if I want to.
That was not the only bad day. However, somehow the next day I realized a truth. Truth that unless I want feel bad, nothing can make me feel bad. Circumstances may push to the edge of breaking down, but if I decide not to give special attention to it, it is not hard to manage.
“NOTHING ON THIS EARTH CAN MAKE ME SAD WHEN I DECIDE TO BE HAPPY” - I wrote these words with a smiley on a paper and pinned it in my workstation. (You know we, the working crowd, spend most of our lives in office and on road. So I feel its ideal to stick this in my office than in my bedroom!!). After that day, I don't remember any day, me having a bad mood (touch wood).
Am having all wonderful days of my life in this period, may be another reason for having a smiley on my face all the time. However, I don't think that is the driver. If I had to cry, I would have found several reasons with all good things that's happening for me.
Its my decision to be happy, I know now. Hope I stick to my decision always. Even today I have those magical words hanging in front of my eyes. To cheer me up all the time.
Hello.. dear ones like me... are you listening...? Make up your mind and the world will look better each day.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I overheard you when you were speaking about me
yesterday, the Wednesday, while having food,
I was behind you, didn't you notice?
Or is that an intentional conversation you made?
You spoke about me, you spoke about marriage,
you spoke about rethinking on your decision
Are you curious to know about me?
Are you hesitant to speak with me?
Re-look at your decision, speak to me,
its okay!!! its no one else, its “me”!!!
Come on! We are all social animals,
haven't you studied? Haven't you practiced?
Cross your boundaries, open up
your image will not collapse by this
Though I over heard am ready to speak,
I take up this initiative to stretch my hand,
I know you are not shy, you have the “guts”,
friendship is too big word to fit in this small matter
Even am curious, I want to know
am like this, please don't mind,
hope you speak, hope you share,
hope my stretched hand doesn't remain empty.
Monday, June 8, 2009
ಬದುಕಿರೋದು ಮರೆತೆ ಹೋಗುತ್ತೆ, ನಾವೂ, ಅವರೂ,
ಎಲ್ಲೋ ಥಟ್ಟನೆ ತಲೆಗೆ ಹೊಡೆದಂತೆ ನೆನಪಾಗುತ್ತೆ ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ
ನಾವು ಮರೆತೇ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿದ್ದೆವಲ್ವ?
ಬದುಕು ಹಾಗೇ ಓಡ್ತಾನೆ ಇರುತ್ತೆ
ಹುಚ್ಚು ನಾಯಿ ಬೆನ್ನತ್ತಿದವರ ಹಾಗೆ,ದಾರಿಗಳು ಗೊತ್ತೇ ಆಗಲ್ಲ
ಕೆಲವೊಮ್ಮೆ ಬಿದ್ದು ಏಳೋಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲಿ ಕಾಲಗಲೇ ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಗಿರುತ್ತೆ
ಇರುವುದೊಂದೇ ಭೂಮಿ, ನಾಲ್ಕೇ ದಿಕ್ಕು
ಇಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲೇ ಅದೆಷ್ಟು ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಗಿರ್ತಿವಿ ನಾವು
ಮತ್ತೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಸಂಧಿಸೋ ಮುಖಗಳು, ಕಾಡೋ ಪ್ರಶ್ನೆಗಳು
ನಾವು ನಡೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದೇವ, ಕಲ್ಲಾಗಿದ್ದೇವ?
ಎಲ್ಲ ಕಡೆ ಗಿರಕಿ ಹೊಡೆದು ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಬಂದು ಬೀಳತ್ತೆ ಮತ್ತೆ
ನೆನ್ನೆ, ನಾಳೆ, ಇಂದು, ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಒಂದೇ ಆಗುತ್ತೆ
ಆದರೂ ನಾವೇನೋ ದಿಗ್ವಿಜಯದ ಕುದುರೆ ಏರಿದವರಂತೆ
ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಹೀಗೇ ಕಳೆದು ಹೋಗಿರುವೆ
ಮತ್ತೊಮ್ಮೆ ಹೀಗೇ ಜಾಗೃತಳಾಗಿರುವೆ
ಬದುಕು ಯಾವ ವ್ಯತ್ಯಾಸವನ್ನು ತೋರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ
At time its like this
we forget being alive, we, as well others
suddenly it flashes in mind
oh! they are alive,
alas! We had forgotten
life keeps running
as if a mad dog is back of it, loosing roads,
by the time we get up after a fall, ages pass
its a single earth, only four directions,
but we keep getting lost
we keep seeing the same faces, same questions throw up,
are we moving or standing still like a rock?
Everything roams around and comes back to it
yesterday, today, tomorrow, is all one
still we pose as if we have conquered
am lost again,
am awaken again,
life shows no difference
Please tell me if the translation conveys the same meaning of the original.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
My native is a small village in the midst of nature. It is a hobli HQ with good population, sufficient facilities and infra. It's on a state highway which is getting converted to a national highway, so soon I expect more growth at my native. Some minerals and all that are found close to my native. Am not sure what tomorrow my native would be, but today it's a heaven. Limited mobile network (only BSNL and Airtel) barely polluted air, water and lush greenery, makes it an awesome place to relax. Few tourists, un exploited natural beauty are the specialities of my native. So please do not expect any cottage, resort or anything close by. If you know someone, then your accommodation have to be their house otherwise just read my blog and imagine your self roaming around at my native and be happy.
Gonibeedu – The name has come from a demon 'Ghonasura' who ruled this place long time ago. Threatened and tortured by the demon, people of this locality prayed Shiva or Subrahmanya to kill the demon and relieve them from his clutches. So the name of the place which was Ghonasuraveedu or some thing similar retained and became 'Gonibeedu', and God Subranmanya settled here protecting the village.
Gonibeedu has 4 places to visit and it is closely located to 3 or 4 more places which are worth visiting. Here is the list:
Adi Subrahmanya Swami temple
Male Mallappana Gudda (Aane Mallappana Gudda)
Nanya Bhairaveshvara (Shishila)
Adi Subrahmanyeshwara Temple - This temple is said to be the oldest subrahmanya temple. My grandpa used to tell me that only after the prasadam from this temple reach kukke, they used to start the “rathotsava” the annual fair there.
Its a small temple built by the Hakka Bukkaraya, (Details by my grandpa) am Agrahara was build and hundreds of archers of land was given as 'umbali' to the temple. 30 – 40 families from north India came and settled down here. My ancestors were one among them. (Source again my grandpa)
Agrahara temple (as usually called by the local people) is in the banks of the river Hemavathi. A big Champak tree with flower all round th year, banyan tree, 'nagara katte' are all on the way from temple to the river.
Hemavathi river called 'yenne hole' is well suited for playing in water. In winter and summer its only 4 to 6 feet deep and great fun to play and pass time. However, in rainy season it it around 20 – 30 feet wide and 15 – 20 feet deep. With its red muddy water, it looks wild and beautiful.
You can witness some beautiful sunsets sitting on the banks of Hemavathi in the winter and summer seasons. In rainy season, it rains heavily here. (Gonibeedu is a part of Malenaadu – Heavy rain area in the southwestern part of Karnataka.)
Male Mallappana Gudda (Aane Mallappana Gudda) – The emperors of Hoysala dynasty (if am not wrong) used to raise and maintain their elephants here so it is called “Ane mallappana gudda” (Ane = Elephant)
There is a natural shivalinga on the top of this gudda. (Gudda = small hill). It is called Male Malleshwara. He is the god of rain for the surrounding villages. If we desperately need rain, all the villagers for the surrounding places come together and make prayers here. My grand pa used to tell, in their ages, even before they climb down the gudda, it would rain and they reach home wet drenched in rain. Now a days though it does not workout that way, people believe that it rains within a short period.
Gavi Gudda – this is around 12 to 15 km from Gonibeedu. There is a cave in this gudda so its called gavi gudda. (Gavi = Guhe = Cave). The main deity is of Gavi Gangadareshwara with some sub gods around. It is said that a bear used to stay around. Now due to “plantationization” of all the forest around, its very rare to find any wild animals here.
This temple is in the middle of the hill. If you wish yo climb up to reach the top, you have to climb on a huge rock and then there is a walk way. Winter mornings, when the whole of the surrounding villages are covered by mist, you feel you are the only survivors of the “pralaya” the destruction caused by rain.
Angadi – this is the place where Sala, the founder of Hoysala dynasty killed a tiger, by the order of his guru in gurukula. If you know the history of Hoysala dynasty of Karnataka well and good. You will pick the story and the location very easily, if you don't know this part of history then “go to google and find it your self”. Am not your history teacher.
This place has “Sapta Matruka Temple” (place for all 7 matru devis) and some old jain basdis and ancient hoysala style small temples. Get your food, get your water, sit and relax for a while. Its a beautiful and silent place.
Devavrunda – (group of gods) – is a place around 22 km away from Gonibeedu has a beautiful and peaceful temple and a lake. This is also a historical place but right now I don't remember the story. Will write about it after my next visit to my native. Its good to go. Cool roads with no traffic, beautiful places around, that's what you want to relax right?
Nanya Bhairaveshvara (Shishila) – this is quite far, about 30 35 km but worth visiting. Temple is small and not all that interesting, however, the Shishila peak attracts you. In this place here is no mobile network and very few houses around. So better go early and reach back early.
Shishila peak is said to be one of the highest peaks in the ghats of Charmadi and is one of the closest routes to Dharmastala. My dream was to get married on the top of Shishila peak but it didn't as my mom was against it. My next dream is to get my hubby there. Once I get him there I will write more about it.
This was all about places around my native. Pictures – am sorry right now I can't load them for you. I will keep loading them when ever I capture a worth watching picture.
Then next time you are around Mudigere, Belur, Kalasa, Horanadu, Dharmasthala, or any other place in Hassan and Chickmaglore and driving on SH 57, just look around carefully. You might see “Gonibeedu” board on your way. You might find the entrance arch of Subrahmanya temple.Catch you there.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
fame, name, money, nothing
some times even we won't last long
long enough to make a life worth
Do we have to take life more lightly?
or keep 'geeta' in mind all the time
we shout, we cry, we touch extremes
but none of this will last for ever
Is it worth all those efforts, I wonder
is it really worth pouring all those emotions?
we live, we die, nothing changes, no one cares,
all we had, we made would die one day
we are sad today, tomorrow we may forget to cry
our happiness may be lost, dear ones die,
but till when can we be in the hangover
till when can we cry, till when can we shutter
only till we live
is it worth spoiling today when we know nothing lasts?
Monday, May 4, 2009
I thought he will come back
I thought I will have some more happy time with him
I thought we are departing to get-together
When ever you say bye
to some one you have liked, lived,
keep their face, smile, smell alive with you
never loose it thinking that you will meet again
He life that day, I was not sad
I was happy planning for our next meet
How will I know he left me forever
I didn't store that last smile in my memory
He just left, I moved on
I don't cry for loosing him, no pain,
It just strikes my mind, if I had known
if I had known, that's the last time
I would have told him a lot from my heart
I didn't tell him I love him
I didn't tell him I will miss him
I didn't tell him about that naughty sweet dream
about that little desire, that great memory
He just left that day, I was feeling lonely
it took weeks for me to realize am alone
I just didn't tell him not to go, I didn't took a photo
I wish I had spoken, I wish I was open
all that remains with me is the pain of being late.
ಹೊಳೆಯಲಿ ಹರಿದು ಹೋಗಲು
ಹೋಗಿ ನಾನು ಶಿವನ ತಲೆಯ ಮೇಲೆ ಕುಳಿತು ಹಾಡುವೆ
ಹಾಡನು ಕೇಳಿ ಶಿವ ಪಾರ್ವತಿ ತಕ್ಕ ತಾಳಕೆ ಕುಣಿಯುವರು
ಕುಣಿದಾಗ ನಾನು ಹರಿದು ಬರುವೆ ನಿಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿಗೆ
ನಾನಿಲ್ಲದೆಯೇ ಏನೂ ಆಗದು ನಾನೇ ಮುಖ್ಯವಾಗಿರುವೆ
This is my second poem written when I was in 1st standard. Meaning of the poem given below.
I am the mother Ganga
I am the mother Ganga I flow as a river
I flow and sit on the head of Shiva and sing
Shiva and Parvathi will dance for my song
When they dance I flow and come to you
Nothing happens without me, am very important
I am the mother Ganga
I am the mother Ganga
love is everywhere
love is in my blood
love love love all around
Love is making me happy
love is making me smile
I just wanna love the love, I love my love,
today, now, earth is heaven and I am flying
I wish I would retain this happiness for ever
I wish I could stock this smile and use it whenever
I donno what's tomorrow is getting me,
I can't change what yesterday has done to me
Today, now am very happy
I have all the love in this world in my heart
come to me, take as many smiles or as much love you want
give it ti me back, when my mood is blue and the sky is dark.
dance and shake my body hard
so that bits and pieces of happiness fall out and stay in the universe
making it more peaceful and happy
I just wanna sing, sing loud,
so that my voice carry happiness
to all disturbed hearts in the world
making them calm down relax
I just wanna breath taking deep breaths
so that the smell of the air change
it changes into perfume which can relax minds
making all restless minds relax
Happiness has found a new address today
it's in my heart, I wanna spread it
come join me sing with me, dance with me,
shake out all your worries, enjoy life with me.
and sit on his lap quietly
I know it's not gonna be d same later
I will be married, first a wife then a daughter
Tears just roll out, when I just think
I have to leave behind my home, [parents and things,
I know, life with my beloved will be beautiful
but obvious I will miss my life and my spinsterhood,
New phase in life, whole lot of responsibilities,
I am no more a kid, I cannot be what I used to be,
I will become stranger to my own relations,
so many changes at a time in my life, I feel soo weak
I wanna stay as my dad's dear son forever
I wanna be a kid and laugh loud always
I just wanna be the daughter of Gonibeedu, my native,
I love what I ma right now, I donno how the new change will be.
ಸುರು ಸುರು ಸುರುಬತ್ತಿ ಹಚ್ಚೋಣ ಬನ್ನಿ
ಬುರು ಬುರು ಭೂಚಕ್ರ ನೋಡೋಣ ಬನ್ನಿ
ಚುಕು ಬುಕು ಚುಕು ಬುಕು ರೈಲು ಪಟಾಕಿ
This is my first poem.
Meaning - Devali. Festival of crackers has come. Lets light all types of crackers and lights and enjoy.