I want to fix my country for the next generation

There was a time when I was in my own bubble and did not care about the world. I did my work, got paid, paid my taxes and that is all that mattered. I had money in my account and I was happy.
Today, I am a freelancer, taking a break, not working full time or earning like I used to, but I am aware of some of what is happening around me and I am bothered. I am frustrated, angry and concerned. And I do not want to keep quiet about it.

There was a time when our politicians looted our country. They have taken away crores and crores of tax payers’ money and we have done nothing about it. Black money, white money, foreign currency, gold, in many forms they have stored all our resources away in their lockers and we have done nothing about it. Scandal after scandal we Indians and the country has been looted and we have done nothing about it.

Now, it looks like the time for corporate giants to do so. Vijay Mallya, Nirav Modi, - I don’t know how big this list will go - are looting our country, our banks. Though, I do not have a clear understanding of how tax payers will be affected by this loot, I don’t find anyone else but tax payers who have to bear the burden.
Why is this happening in my country, why? And why are we keeping quiet about it? And more importantly do we know what we can do and what we should do? How do we work towards fixing this? How to get the money back and restoring some form of justice? I don’t know. This is one side to the problem.

The other side is, not letting such cases happen in the future. How do we do that? The other day, in a conversation with my father in law, he mentioned something about the loss of sense of pride. I understand it better today, looking at the number of people who have sold their souls for money. If we were to have a culture of pride in self, maybe we could turn out to be incorruptible?

This brings me to my idea of a sense of equality. Whether I am rich or not, educated or not, well to do or not, employed or not, if I have a sense of equality that I do not consider myself above or below anyone for whatever they may or may not have, then too, I can be incorruptible, right?

I believe in the idea of making money, creating jobs, growing economy and all that along with saving the environment and not exploiting any form of resources. I believe in working hard and not copying, growing and not pulling someone down, and being hopeful and not a cynic. I believe in the idea of having a sense of equality and the desire to work my way up the ladder the right way. Having a sense of pride whether I go up or not, whether I achieve what I aimed for or not. I believe in the idea of having a sense of contentment, using the term “enough” in life and applying it more often than not. I believe in having a sense of purpose that is bigger than self and bigger than my personal gain. I believe in feeling part of community and therefore having an identity that is not just me. I believe these could lead to a generation of solid and incorruptible souls.

I want to fix my country today, right now! I feel the need, I feel the urgency and I feel the desire. I want to leave a better society for the coming generations. I want the next generation to inherit a just, caring and trust worthy society which looks after everyone. I want to leave behind a society, a world with no corruption, no hate and no bitterness. I hope for a society with a sense of hope, trust, a sense of community with full of souls who are incorruptible.

Am I dreaming for something impossible? Please say “no”. I want to believe this is possible and I can work towards making this happen.

A concerned citizen.

Shishila – The Destination

The Desire:
About 4 or 5 years ago, I, appa, amma and Ankith went to a place called Nanya Bhairaveshwar. The ride was beautiful. It is about 25 kms away from my home and is a beautiful place. We had been there in the evening and we looked around. That is when I first saw the peak of Shishila. What a sight it was! As soon as I saw that peak, I wanted to climb to the top of it. I started suggesting that we should go there. Amma and appa tried convincing me that it was a bad idea to start at that hour. When I started making a fuss about it, appa made it very clear that it is not a viable idea. It was getting late and we had to walk in the wild to go to the top and without a guide there is a high possibility that we could be lost. I had to succumb, I had no power over this argument and we returned. For a minute I had the thought of wanting to get married on that hill top.



The Revival:
Last September when I was home, I spoke about my long lasting desire to climb the Shishila hilltop and Chetu helped me with Raju’s number. Raju is a villager in Bhairapura village (which is the nearest) and also acts as a guide to visitors. He spoke about leaches and other problems and suggested that we should plan to go there in November or December.

The Journey:
27th December 2015, me, appa and ankith left home at 12:00 noon. A junction near Agriculture College, before Mudigere, we took a left to go towards Bhairapura. At every junction we asked for directions and we were misguided once. We travelled extra for about 2 kms in the wrong direction and because we asked for directions all the way, we got back to the right road soon. After a while, in the next junction, where we asked for directions yet again, we could look at the Shishila hill top. Ankith noticed the excitement on my face and mentioned it was so much, as though I had already climbed up to the top.

We reached Nanya Bhairaveshwara temple and called up Raju. Oh! You will be lucky if you find any mobile network there, and we were lucky for a while.

The Disappointment:
Raju mentioned that wild elephants had been there at 10:30 in the morning. As we were only 3, he suggested it is better we go back now and come again in a group, instead of the planned adventure. We strolled for a few minutes, saw the way to the hilltop which goes inside the forest, and decided to go back. We could see elephant dump and the havoc they had created that morning, some broken trees, broken twigs and smashed bushes. It was enough proof for us to vouch our decision. We came back to the place where we had parked our bikes and started eating watermelon we carried.

Angels Arrived:
A toofan arrived with 17 people in it. Yes, you read it right, 17, aged between 10 and 45. 13 of them said they are going to climb Shishila. We all jumped out of joy and joined them. It did not take much time for us to get friendly. Together we started walking towards our common destination.
The path in the forest was well made but there were places where we had to walk up on dusty, stone filled roads. It was very slippery and very tiring. Once we crossed the forest it was again an uphill climb and it was extremely exhausting. Ankith held my hand and encouraged me to climb up, “a little more and we will be on flat land”, he would say.




I was breathless by the time I reached the flatland. It indeed was flatland and I rested for a while. Then, the next step was to climb to the peak. Appa said he won’t go up and suggested that I too stay back. I did not want to give up, after going so close. The kids started climbing fast and I took my time to go up. This time appa was with me, asking me to be careful and helping me climb. This was not tiring but very risky. It’s a steep climb and one miss step could lead to a disaster.

I did reach the top successfully along with appa. Ankith had already reached and had clicked some photos too. It took an hour to climb and what a view it was! We could see South Canara border from the top. This day and all its efforts were all worth it. Though not clear, we could still see range of mountains. We could see a river and a water falls at a distant location and we could see beauty in all directions.



It took lesser time to climb down, a small break and step two, and we had reached the gateway to the forest. We all gathered together and walked together as that was our best chance of survival in case wild elephants paid a visit. Four people who had stayed back had watched us climb the hill top and were waiting for us. We said a ton load of thanks to all of them and bid goodbye.

Known Turf:
You might have noticed I said very little about food, because we had very little. On our way back we ate some biscuits and drank some water. It was almost 5:30 and we were in a hurry to get back.

Our way back, we found new connecting roads. From Bhairapura we went towards Devavrunda circle, from there to Jannapura and finally to Gonibeedu. We followed the same protocol of asking for directions all the way till we reached the Devavrunda circle. Dad geared up, “no need to ask anyone for directions” he speeded up. We reached back home, tired, content and me, a dream fulfilled.

PS: Photo credit Ankith H S

Check List – For Happiness - In a Relationship

Love leads to marriage, right? And that is a long process, with a long courtship. This long courtship gives lot of room for people to grow, people to change. So, we all know not all the love stories become marriage stories. There is no ‘if, then’ to it, or that is what we want to believe. Anyway, here is a list of areas on which two people in a relationship should think, I think.

This also has some points that focus more on areas when you are thinking of taking your relationship to the next level. I have written as if I am telling all these to a girl. (Boys, modify and use all that applies)

1. Your happiness is important

a. Any physical abuse, mental torture, threatening, black mailing, a slightest hint of any of this is a signal you should think about the relationship

b. If you are not happy with the relationship, then it will not work anyway. I know it’s hard, but people change, things, circumstances, emotions, feelings all of these change. Do a rain check!

c. Don’t do it because you decided, committed, promised and want to stick to your decision. When the feeling is not driving it, the decision will not hold on for long.

2. Don’t stick to a relationship

a. Just because you had sex

b. Because you lost your virginity to that person

c. Because you are scared to break up

d. Because, every time you want to move on, you are being convinced to stay!

3. It is ok to break up

a. Are you with him only because you have been with him for so long now that you cannot think of anything else but adjust to anything and everything that comes up?

b. When you are not happy, when you have considered all possibilities and you see that it is not going to work in the long run, it is good to break up now. It will cause pain in the short run, but it will be for your long term good.

4. How open is he about the relationship

a. If you are asked to hide it all, you should think about it. When it is established that you two are with each other, hiding it from your friends is not something that will be asked for.

5. Do you trust him?

a. Is he a liar? Does he get angry often? Is he emotionally balanced? Is he possessive? Clings on too much? Runs away from you when you are in trouble? Talks a lot but fails to perform or deliver? Can you really invest all your emotions for a life with him? Look at the long term and the big picture when you are thinking of taking it to another level.

6. Does he have a bright future? Can he manage a family by himself in some days?

a. How does he manages his finances is not only about what he spends on you, but mainly on how much he saves, invests, plans for the future and so on. Don’t get blinded by the colors you see.

b. You might end up having a kid in a year or two, might end up quitting your job, might end up in need of finances, and is he responsible enough to manage all these?

7. What kind of family is he from?

a. Though caste might play its role, I am not talking about that here. Knowing how open his family is, how this relationship will be accepted, how educated and cultured are his family members’, these things help a lot. There has to be a match between how you have been brought up and how that family is.

8. Will his and your parents accept this relationship whole heartedly?

a. Though you might think now that we two will live by ourselves, we will not need any support from any side of the family, when problems crop up, it may seem difficult to manage. If not for anything else, you would need some emotional support from immediate families. So, knowing if this relation will be accepted whole heartedly is a must.

9. Do you respect him and does he respects you?

a. When in love, you look at love, romance and other colorful things. But to have a relationship last for a lifetime, the other qualities that matter a lot are trust and respect for each other. Do you value each others opinions, give space, respect each other and trust each other? If not, think again before you move further.

10. Does he shows how much he loves you or is it just words?

a. Does he talk colorful stuff but makes excuses, trust me it is going to continue forever. Believe in that you see, what is delivered, what was done, more than what you hear, what was told, promised or planned.

11. Does he take responsibilities at home and lives up to a mature human being?

a. Does he own a dog? A fish tank? Some pet? Has he trained his dog, cleans up after the dog, feeds it, takes it for a walk every day, in total, can he take responsibilities and manage them?

b. Does he helps his mom or dad or is he the “get me the towel” when in the shower types?

12. How do you manage your finances and emotions connected to it?

a. Does he gifts’ you so much that you feel indebted?
b. Have you been with him even before you started working and he gave you money?
c. Do you pay him a lot? Does he make up reasons to ask you money?
d. How does the equation remain when you both work?
Money does has a very strong influence on relationships

13. How is his value system?

a. I don’t care for anyone else but you, really? Then he might not care for you too very soon.
b. I don’t care about the money, what matters is your happiness! He may be stealing someone elses happiness to make you happy.
c. Do you both have similar values about material and emotional stuff?
d. Understand what he values and what not.

14. It’s ok, if you don’t marry ever!

a. Yes, why not? If you are independent and know you can be by yourself all long, then go ahead and be firm. The people who love you, who matter to you, and whom your happiness matters, they will understand this. Don’t care about others.

15. Think again, why are you in this relationship now?

a. Oh, I started it when I was 14 and I can’t imagine my life without him, even though we are not in happy terms now
b. I wanted to teach a lesson to my parents, friends, someone else
c. All my friends have a relationship, how can I be alone?
d. Oh! He is the best charmer at my college/work place/ etc. Though I know he might be cheating on me, I like the attention I get for being with him
e. Oh, we know it won’t work, but we really can’t stop ourselves!
f. I can adjust to anything that comes my way
g. We had sex and since then I see him as my husband
h. I am threatened, forced and compelled to be in this relationship
i. Think again why you are in this relationship!


Share, ask for help, make an informed decision, it is your life, after all. Consider your happiness too.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

A day Trip to Penukonda

Don’t get Penukonda confused with Penugonda, I did and I was shocked. How am I supposed to reach this place in 3 hours from Mekhri circle, how is a KSRTC or an APSRTC bus gonna travel 800+ kms in 3 hours? Was Ramesh joking? Ramesh is so dead! Hey, hold on, was it Penugonda or Penukonda? He said it’s near Ananthpur, oh, hmm… my bad! Its penukonda and it’s only 140+ kms from Banglalore on the way to Hyderabad. Stupid me.

So, the occasion was my dear sweet neighbor Ramesh’s wedding. I had to go, and I did, today.

Got up at 5:30, (planned was 4:30!), tried those 2 dresses that I thought I would still fit in and I could not breath when I wore them. The third one did fit in and that’s the one for the day. Should I take a shawl? Yes, no, yes no, ok, forget it, am going to a dry area, no need of warm clothes. So, I was ready and was at Mekhri circle early enough.

‘There is a bus once every 10 minutes, take the one that comes through Bagepalli and not Hindupur, you will reach in two and half hours”, I waited and waited and waited, no bus at all. ‘Ramesh, you are so dead’. Well, how long did I wait? I was still home at 6:15 AM, and I might have left by then, would have reached the bus stop only by 6:30 or 6:40 and I got a bus at 7. God! That’s not too long! Bangalore has made me impatient, or was it the lack of music in my ears? Well, whatever, it felt as if I waited for hours to get that bus.

It was an APSRTC luxury bus. Is it still called APSRTC? Guess so. So, I have boarded this bus and it goes through Bagepalli. Nice start! The journey I started long back on the Hyderrabad highway, that was unfinished, was restarted today, but just to reach till Penukonda.

New route, I did not want to sleep, as I wanted to enjoy the beauty of the journey. I felt it was a dry area. It was a cloudy day, and chill at 7. I did doze off for some time. Read Oh Manase on the way, holding a Kannada magazine in an APSRTC bus where everyone else was reading Telgu granted me some gazes.

Ramesh told, ‘I am going to handover my phone to Anil, so, as soon as you get down at the bus stop, call me, I will get someone sent to the bus stop to get you picked’. So, I thought I would inform him am coming, so, I called, and called and called, no one picked up. Next option was to call Mani. I did and a lady picked up and said, ‘sorry wrong number’! Holy! What am I gonna do now? I do not have an invitation as he ran out of them when he invited me, a sms is what I have and it just says alight at penukonda stop! No! Ramesh, you are so dead! Ah! I remember the wedding is at vasavi kalyana mantap. I think I should be able to reach there!

Help came in the form of my build owner, as I called her, she gave me Mani’s other number and told that the venue is close to bus stop and any auto guy would take me there without much of trouble. Now I was sure that I will get there.

When my friends put up picture of their speeding car at 160 or 180 and mention that it was on the Hyderabad highway, I wondered, but now I know how and why they do that. Road is amazing, also it’s very boring, as its very dry, or is it because it’s almost summer and it’s dried up? Well, in any case, for the ones like me who are from the typical rainy regions of Karnataka, the Western Ghats, everything else is dry.

When I googled Penukonda, I knew there is a fort, but did not search enough to find more about it. I regret that now. As I got there, I saw boards indicating ‘way to the fort’. When I asked Anil if it is a place to visit, he laughed at me. I hope he was right, but if you tell me now that he was wrong, am gonna feel bad and am gonna make another trip.

Also, I wish I was there with my dad. Where ever we go, me and dad, we ensure to roam around the city to whatever extent we can and visit places there. I missed you Dad.

I reached the venue; the wedding was done in due time, met them and wished them, done. Lunch was done by 1:15, met the bride and groom again, said bye and left the place at 1:30.

I reach the APSRCT bus stop. I asked to get dropped there because I thought that is “The Bus Stop” and all buses would come there. Well, I do not know Telgu, I hope you all know that. So, am at the bus stop, I go the enquiry section and ask the person there ‘when is the next bus to Bangalore’, he says, at 2:15 or 2:30. Holy! Why, again! Ramesh had told there is a bus every 10 minutes, he is so dead. I ask again, what about KSRTC buses, the APSRTC person makes a face and says I have no details on their timings.

I was disappointed and went and sat, but hey, why are those people waiting outside the bus stop, oh, there comes a bus, let me see where that goes, it’s a KSRTC bus and yeah, it goes to Bangalore. As I sat down, I understood, the KSRTC buses won’t come inside an APSRTC bus stop and if I had waited inside, I would have been a real fool. Thank god!

Again, Hyderabad highway, because I had dozed off coming here, I decided again to stay awake. Oh Manase and music for my company. I saw Mango orchards but trees without any sign of any fruits. Also, there were many Vineyards, and the agriculturist in me got inquisitive. I wish I get to go to a vineyard, understand the cultivation process, eat some grapes there and come. I really want to do that, but how? Whom to contact? Many questions! Hopefully I will figure that out soon.

I did doze off on the way back too and I think I did not miss much. Was back at Mekhri at 4:30 PM! A short, nice, memorable trip to Penukonda was over like this!

BhaShe

Draupadi - The fear!

Don’t make any judgments based on the title here! All I intend to do, by giving this title is to showcase the fear of getting naked in public. Have you ever felt the fear of a major wardrobe malfunction in public? A wardrobe malfunction which will leave you with only basic garments on your body and which will leave you damaged for the rest of your life. I have something to share.

This was 2 or 3 years ago. Then, I used to stare at the sarees I have and feel bad for not wearing them at all. The ones which I cannot wear to any function, because they are not grand enough, were lying in my cupboard unused. One day I told myself, well, I’ll wear these sarees to work whenever I feel like.

The first day I did that, the response was overwhelming (well, all the complements from my colleagues made me feel so good that saree has become my medicine for depression). That day I decided to wear sarees often. That evening when I was on my way home, it started raining. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the bus stop to my house and as I carry an umbrella all the time, I started walking in the rain.

If you know and understand how a saree is worn, you know that the beginning of a saree is stuck into the petticoat. Imagine the beginning of the saree coming out. It’s an inner layer, so, you won’t be able to tuck it back in without taking off your saree or lifting it to a length that will not be decent. You will not even have easy access to get to the beginning, and also, as it comes out, there is a high chances that you might trip on it and fall down. Set of troubles!

As I was walking towards my home, I saw that my saree was coming down, and I realized that the beginning of my saree has come out from the clutches of my petticoat and I was stumbling on it. Just one more time it goes beneath my feet and I take a long step, my saree will be on the road!!! OMG!!! It’s a rainy evening, muddy road and a lot of people have taken shelters in the nearby shops waiting for the rain to stop, staring at the road. I was about to face a life scarring wardrobe malfunction.

Thankfully I got to know what is happening and what would happen if I continue. I halted, held the rest of the saree tight and started walking like a tortoise. I did reach home with my dignity held up high! Thank god for no malfunction on the road.

After this incident, I learnt a trick from my aunt. Put a knot to the beginning of the saree and tuck it inside the petticoat. This won’t let the saree to come out from that end easily! I do that and it’s a success, or that’s what I thought till recently.

This one is a very recent incident.

After finishing work, I was running towards the bus stop as it was already 9:30 in the evening. I was wearing a saree again this day. As it was cold, I had covered myself with a shawl. As it was late, I was walking very fast. Just when I was around the corner, I felt that my saree is coming down again, from the same end! What the hell! I had put the knot!

I rushed into a hotel nearby, and found a very small loo there. Thank god! I took the shawl off to see what is wrong! Sigh! Relief, it’s just my pallu which has come down from the wrong end! There is nothing wrong with the saree, it’s all fine, and I was just paranoid. I put the shawl back and ran to the bus stop.

You think I have stopped wearing saree now? Naa… these things can’t kill my spirit (or can’t kill my hunger for some complements once a while). ;) But I did feel the fear, I guess I know how Draupadi would have felt when she was dragged into the “sabhangana”.

BhaShe

Azeem Bolar – The HELP

You google his name and you will find enough details about who he is, what he does, how has his life’s journey been and everything. There are a lot of articles, videos, news releases and what not, that tell you about him. Everything you need to know about him is already there. But the question is why would you google about him? How would you know that a man named “Azeem Bolar” exists? Unless you have heard of him or met him and know that he is help.

Not everyone who is in trouble identifies that he is in trouble, and not everyone who knows he is in trouble wants a solution. Most of them just whine about it. There are few, who figure that there is trouble in life, and professional help is needed to solve it. When you are that person, one of the people whom you can reach out to, is Azeem Bolar.

He is blind, but we fail to see what he sees, different perspectives to life. His life itself is a motivational story. His beliefs, his positive and never give up attitude, that itself is enough for someone to feel motivated and positive about life. Also, the detailing that he gives, his talks, makes one think, wakes one up from the slumber and then soothes, lightens and calms down ones troubled mind/heart and helps clear the clouds that blurred ones vision.

“When did you become god?” a question that he asks, that make you think. Think again and again and again and see that you are not God. That question is enough to bring peace back to you and Make you look outside like it is meant to be. Well, I don’t want to write much. You will know the value of something only when it is needed badly. I know it!

Azeem Bolar is help.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

The one way door out! – Suicide!

Woke up very disturbed this morning, Jiah Khan committed suicide? Heard it on the radio and could not stop thinking about it. What would have gone so bad, so wrong that she killed herself? Didn’t she think of her parents, family, who would be devastated by this act of hers? How and why did she decide to quit? Why did she become so harsh on herself? What went so wrong that she thought it cannot be fixed at all? I am really puzzled and upset.

I know, you might be thinking, that girl made only 3 films, made more controversy than making films, why am I so upset? I am upset because I saw a very daring, sweet, touching girl in her when I saw ‘Nishabd’. I know it’s just a movie, but I liked her, liked her a lot! I kinda felt, she lived one of my dreams. I was happy for her. Somewhere, some point, I saw myself in her. That attitude, that presence, somewhere.

She is no more now! I like to deny that, I do not want to believe it. I am upset. No matter how bad or challenging life goes, I am against suicide, till the point where you have your blood, family surrounded. Am I?
Or is it the thought that, instead of being alive and not just suffer from pain personally, but keep hurting closed ones, it is better to end, put a full stop to both ends.

I don’t know! All I now know is, her death disturbed me, making me think more about life!

In the long run, I may not miss her, I may not even remember her, she might just be a faded memory in life, but yes, I do believe she lived one of my dreams, and that way, we will always be connected!

BhaShe!

Life Partner "Best Friend for Life"

If I remember right, there is a shloka which says wife is your best friend for life. Considering today’s lifestyle, I figured it may mean to say your life partner is your best friend for life.

In earlier days, men used to be the bread earner and women used to stay home and take care of the households. Men used to see the world and women used to make their home their world. Women used to use all that they have to do the roles of Mantri, Rambha, Mata and so on as it goes in another shloka. However, today, as both men and women do both the roles of earning bread and looking after the household, they both need to be each others best friend.

Why friend might be your question. In marriage the string that binds each other is not blood, but love, and sometimes the outcomes of a marriage. Two people who are married are expected to live together, help each other in daily life and share a whole lot of stuff. This emphasizes on the requirement to have a friendly relationship with each other. I know a lot of couples hate whom they are married to more often than they love, but that does not make the marriage broken. If that need to be taken seriously then all marriages would lead to divorce. It always is a love-hate relationship and a balance is what makes it work. That balance, a lot of times, is brought by the friendliness in the relationship.

So, coming back to the friendship part, which sounds as a necessity for a good marriage. How many of us can claim that their wife/husband is their best friend? I don’t know how many but I would be happy every time the count increases. How many of us are transparent with our life partners? It may be “I’ll smoke at office hours and she’ll not get to know” or “I’ll cheat on him at office hours and he’ll not get to know” or more. Hiding facts, hiding truth, from the person who we claim we love a lot and with whom we share out life. How right is that? If all these hidden facts come to light, the effects would rock the boat. However, more and more couples are hiding their life from their life partners.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be frank with the one person you love. Tell that you are doing something that they may not like. Take the truth on its face value and get over with. Wouldn’t it make life simpler, better and worth living?

Ego and taking for granted are other two important factors that can spoil a marriage. Why should I say sorry has the power to make many night and days silent. These issues dries out the love out of the relationship and makes it a burden. Why wait to say sorry? Why not forgive without a sorry? Every minute that is spent on these fights and talk less time had the potential to be a memorable time. Why turn it in to pain when it can be fun.

Trust on each other is also very important for a happy marriage. We believe whatever a friend says without much of discussion and debate, we ask friends for help when we are in trouble and look at issues from their point of view, then why not life partner? Aren't they the best people to help? They know our life as much as we know it and they can help us better. We trust a friend easily then why not partner? Is it because we own them? Is it because of the possessiveness they have on us that makes their view point invalid? I don't think it makes it invalid, rather it makes it more appropriate. Things might go wrong sometimes, but when it hasn't? There is no perfect way of doing things. So, trust your partner and hold their hands tight. It strengthens the bond.

We live a short life and we live only once. Keeping a different, rude attitude towards the world is okay, but not with life. As we all know life can get really short for all of us any time making it sweet and worth living is the best way to live.

Make friendship with your partner. Say that you love them, say that you did not like something, say that you do something that they do not like. But say it all. Do not hide it. Be transparent. Share you had a crush on the good looking girl and make sure that you get over with it. Share that you made a mistake, when it was done but make sure that you never do it again. Forgive accidents and forget those bad times and fights. Make that life that you wanted to live, yours.

There are a list of advantages for having your life partner as best friend:
1. First and foremost view point from the other sex is easily available and that gives any issue a 360 degree outlook
2. Impact of such thing on the family can be put to perspective easily
3. You’ll have a punching bag all the time
4. Poring work tension on family can be reduced
5. Issues are resolved as a talk and not fight
6. You both are in the same page all the time on anything that is happening in each of your lives

The only disadvantage I see is that frequency of fights might increase, however the duration and intensity of it will be far lesser than once a blue moon fight. Anger is not accumulated and there is a proper vent for it to go out. Secrets of a marriage can be kept between the two, and embarrassments reduced.

With requirement for both life partners to work, we get so less time with each other. Why not tap the advantage of having a friend all the time? Make the best of the person with whom life is shared. Keep it simple, clean and truthful. Life sounds so much easier that way.

I have a full time friend in my husband and I hope he thinks the same way too. I wish all marriages turn to a life time bound friendships and all married lives have a happy life.

BhaShe

Seeking for God

I had always thought “tujme rab dikhta hai” statement is an exaggeration but now-a-days kind of started realizing that it can be true too. How do you define god? I would say, the one who takes care of you, the one always wants good for you, the one whom you can love, depend and be yourself with, the one you can blindly believe, and one you obey, the one who is an answer for all the questions you have. I mean, even if my definition is a little too much please bear with me, but that’s what/who is god right?.

I have always been wondering, how a mom could love her kid so much, or any person whom one loves. Have we not seen flaws and problems with all sorts of love we give and get. This concept of love has always been very confusing for me. Let me accept that I am a little too self centered and love myself so much that I have very little space to accommodate my loved ones. When anybody, for that matter anybody tells me that they love me so much, this that and everything, I keep wondering how do they have the ability to love somebody so much.

Love somebody so much? there comes the condition part too. Ok! You are not supposed to do like this, talk like this to me, treat me like this… coz I love you. Expectations and demands and terms and conditions, I guess one’s life sees both the best and the worst parts of their lives only because of their loved ones. (do you accept this? Correct me if am wrong) Another set of complication is with the definition of love. If I tell my good friend that I love her, it is taken as friendship, if I just replace the her with him, then, am not sure if I am taken rightly or not. Is love means sharing the living space, or sharing some moments of life or just being there in one corner wishing and praying for the best things for the loved ones? Anyways, I don’t think there is a solid definition or the right or wrong answer to this. All this is just gray areas.

However, all these conditions do not come to picture only when somebody have an unconditional love to somebody else. The way they say, the only thing I want is you to be happy and stuff. Is it really possible to love somebody without any condition? Imagine a scene where you pour in love on somebody and that somebody just ignores you. Would you still be able to love them? That way you had felt or done it before? Or is it only on the books?

Coming back to God, the ability to love God and be unconditional with him would be such a pleasure. He won’t directly ask you to do something but get it done through you if he needs, and just let you be what you are or make you what he wants you to be. Realizing this and loving him sounds so peaceful and joyful. However, I fail to make a connect with him. I fail to associate him with somebody or something. I know I need to gain that peace of mind and have the feeling that everything is running as he wants it to be, but am failing to connect the dots.

If any of you know, can you please explain me how a human progresses towards making life simpler and better? What is the first step and what are the baby steps that help somebody move on? I just finished the 5th chapter of the Holy Geetha and it promises to talk about the baby steps from 6th chapter on. Reading is fine but if I don’t implement or practice then is it any good that I read it? Am looking for some help in bringing things to practice.

When I was a kid, I saw my grand pa do pooja every morning for at least one and a half hours, doing ‘abhisheka’ and ‘naivedya’ and arti, chanting the ‘sooktas’. I wonder if he actually understood the meaning of every ‘mantra’ he chanted. The ‘gayatri jap’ is done to bring peace of mind and it’s a powerful source/means to start meditation, but my grand pa was not peaceful. He was very aggressive and short tempered. I am bringing in all that I have seen, heard, read and showcasing where I stand. I can’t do pooja unless I understand it. The need for knowledge and the need for self identification is what I am wanting to fulfill.

The moment I say knowledge and the need t know more, does this cuts-off the possibility of having an unconditional love towards God be able to realize am his poppet? Please… suggest me books (better if they are available in Kannada) and tell me, where you stand. I seek for help.

Sometimes I wonder, am I doing it because I want to run away, I am afraid of failures, am I suffering from the Arjun syndrome? and I fail to understand where I stand. How can one get to know what do they want out of life?

BhaShe

Dude! I will miss you

You were the window for the man’s world
Hearts were kept open for each other to read
The more we spoke, the stronger got our friendship
Many common things kept us attached

I don’t know why I am writing this poem for you
But I don’t want to stop it either
I wanna tell you, you were special to me and
I will miss you when you are gone

No great philosophy, no great showing off
We just had a lot of good moments and tons of smile
I know I will remember that all and laugh again
Whenever I feel the need of that warmth you gave me always
Dude! I will miss you badly when you are gone.

BhaShe

This poem is a special dedication to my colleague, friend, HIM!. When we worked as a team, we had great time, fight over decisions, pulling each other’s leg and sharing our poetry.
He left the company and moved on!
This is for you dear! J This was written the day when he told me he is looking for a new job.

Yes! I still miss him! It’s been so many days he is gone, but I miss him still. I feel, if I go back to his cubicle in 3rd floor I can still meet him, or in the cubicle in 2nd floor. He would ask me to wait to solve my issue till he finishes what he is doing, or show me a funny video clip or something n make me laugh or say something really funny or act something making me believe, what he said is true n tell me he was bluffing. It was good, gooooooood dear! And I guess I will miss u always!

Love is in the Air

What is falling in love, or what is love? Every time I use this term “love” so many names flash in my mind. Your name is one among that. When a relationship is by birth, then there is no complication as we know what it is and where we are landing. But life is not limited to people we know when we are born. So many interesting people we find in the journey of life that, we get attached to them and relate to them. We try and define every relations we establish and to put people in categories. Friends, enemies, close friends, boy/girls friends, lovers and life partners. In a lot of these relations we have I see an overlap and very thin lines between each other.

I always have this question what is loving someone? Is it deciding to stay with them always, sharing life, sharing part of life, or just sitting far but praying for their happiness. I have felt these feelings for different people at different part of times in my life, but still am looking for answers. These poems are written as I seek answers and opinions from around people.

Every time I hear your name
My heart beats raises up
Every time I think of you
I lose sleep & just see your face

I see your face in every face I see
And think you are here in front of me
I want and wish to get such surprise from you
I don’t know what this feeling is called

I forget myself listening to love songs
Do I think of you and me in the lyrics?
I stop and think what was I doing…
Am lost always thinking about you

Am I in love, have failed finding an answer
Is it crush, infatuation or momentary madness?
Hey! Dear, once help me find out
Help me find myself in you

Confusion:

Every time I think of you
I lose myself in memories
Is this love is a big question
What is love is another one

I have failed to answer the questions
I fail to name the feeling I have for you
I don’t dare to seek an answer now
Let it live the way it is now

We both are tied to whatever we have
Our decisions have taken over our freedom
Those limitless feelings raise and fall
Leaving me day dreaming of perfect picture

I don’t want to give up on this
You are my only source of happiness
I latch on to whatever little I get from you
I preserve all of them as they deserve it

How do I put limit to my feelings & thoughts
When my heart beat is linked to yours
I leave the decision part to time and destiny
As my own heart is not in my hands

BhaShe

Please leave your opinion and help me! Thanks

Typical Indian Wife

This thought came, while I was thinking about someone, who is more like Krishna in his lifestyle. He is attractive, charming and girls fall for him very easily. He is married and knows his life. Even married females fall for him. This detail that married females fall for him, made me think a little deeper about a females life. It has become common now that irrespective of being married, people are falling in love. They are seeking something, be it emotional, physical or financial, but something from outside. I have heard many such cases and have been thinking about it for long.

Now-a-days we girls fight for equality and freedom and for every other thing. We earn and have seen the world as much as a guy. We define our rules and live by them. Love marriages have increased and so is the divorce rate. Financial independence and current social system has given women all support to be her own.

I used to see my grandmother touch my grandfather’s feet every morning before getting out of bed. I saw her do this till the day grandpa died. My mom, falls on to my dad’s feet only at festivals and some special occasions. I fell on to my husband’s feet only at my wedding and after that I never did. What I am trying to show here is that the progression of equality feeling. I cannot or may not be able to see God in my husband as my granny did in hers.

If we are looking at the spiritual nature of the human beings I listed above, granny had her own way, mom has her and I am trying to find mine. The more we are getting educated and freed, the more confused we are when it comes to being spiritual and understanding life.

Probably, some 80 – 100 years ago, when girls used to get married at early ages, they had less knowledge about life and guess been less confused. Ignorance was bliss in disguise for them. Guess, they would think their husband as god and with the “Samaprpan” feeling they would do all “seva” (service) to them. Personalizing God in the form of husband and gaining “mukti” because of it sounds easy.

Just imagine having God as husband: be happy to see him every morning, touch his feet with great “bhakti” and do all his “seva” as he pleases. Prepare food for him, take care of his kids, do everything as an order of the god and still keep the mind detached from all the household works. Does sounds very simple isn’t it?

He would be the only man in her life, no love, no extra marital affairs, nothing. Living a life just to take care of the god, who is in the form of husband. I guess this kind of life with a real spiritual husband would lead to mukti for sure.

Today, being responsible for all the activities one does and still be detached from it sounds so tough. Office, house, all love affairs one had, all set of attractions, so many temptations in front of one, that people have forgotten some of the greatest ways of achieving mukti.

I get jealous of those gopikas’ who could just see god in front of them and love him unconditionally and be his always. This form of unconditional love gave them what they seek… calmness and peace of mind. I also feel jealous of those typical Indian wives of old ages, who would have done everything as seva to god and would have had a very selfless life.

Being selfless, being detached and having the feeling that what ever is been done from us, are as per the orders of God and we are just means to fulfill his wish, is said to be one of the greatest ways to lead a life. In today’s tensions, responsibilities and all other earthy feelings, even thinking of having such a life sounds so impossible. Sometimes, I wish I was ignorant like those gopikas’ or the typical Indian wives of early ages, where I could just do all my work and still have my feet on the ground all the time.

I cannot go back in time or cannot change the way I feel for my husband. I can’t call him god because I am knowledgeable enough to find his mistakes and fight with him. Guess I have to struggle really hard to have a personalization of god in a human form and do everything as they please. Seeing today’s Guru’s and situations of Math’s, treating them as god has also become impossible. Due to our greed, we have lost the easiest way to reach god.

I reach back to all books I could find, read them and try my best to be what I want to be. “I do not want to know how my future is going to be, because know I will build it the way I want it to be”. On this note, I say bye till my next post.

BhaShe

Risking in Rain

1. Drinking water while traveling in rainy season

I left Bangalore on Saturday, 14th August 2010, to go to my native. After the ‘Nagara Panchami” festival, I have had many ‘kadubu’s, 2 -3 rounds of coffee and enormous amount of water. My aunt, from whose place I left, asked me several times, if I am going to get down in the journey to pee. I, with great amount of confidence said, no aunt, it’s just a 6 + 1 hour journey and I don’t go out. She was concerned because I was carrying my office laptop. Obvious, one has to be cautious when they are carrying such things.

When I reached kempegowda bus station, I thought of emptying by bladder once, but then, as I had to get inside the bus stop and do, as a bus was ready to leave, which will make me cover 230 km’s of my journey of 252, I canceled the plan and went and sat in the bus.

By the time I reached the next stop, I felt my tank getting filled very fast, and felt the necessity to empty it. After crossing about 100 kms, bus stops for a while for tea, lunch, whatever that is appropriate at that time. I ran out of the bus, with my laptop in to the toilet, emptied my tank and came out with ‘ah!’ on my face.
The moment I emptied my tank, I started feeling thirsty, so bought some cucumber, a bottle of maaza and some chips and went back to my seat. Cucumber was really good, had all the junk I carried and started drinking maaza.

After traveling about 100 km’s, my brain started receiving signals about the requirement to empty my tank again. I had to get down from the bus in about 35 kms, and which will leave me 22 kms away from my native. I thanked God and every other thing, that I did not get a direct bus, which would have put me in impossible situations. I was sure that I will not be able to control for 22 more kms having all sorts of ups and downs and twists and turns on the road.

I got out of the bus, but for my shock the bus stations was demolished and so was the toilet. Bus station was now moved to a college ground. I was devastated. Where am I going to go? I have to travel 22 kms, and I don’t know when the bus will come, and I have to empty my tank ASAP.

Otherwise, I was sure some public embarrassment would happen. Have you watched the SATC – The Movie? – do you remember that lady who poops in her pant in front of her friends? I was imagining myself in that situation with a difference that I would be peeing and would be facing 50+ strangers. This thought itself drove me to search for a toilet.

Went to a girl standing close by and asked her, if she knows about any place where I can go and empty. She said she does not know. As it was a college ground, I asked her if the college would have one. She said try your luck.

I walked across the field and went inside. It was a Saturday evening, and on top of that a festival day. Whom do you expect in a college? Probably no one…
For my surprise, a room was open and 2 guys were sitting taking some printouts. I went inside like a storm and the only words came out of my mouth was, ‘is there a toilet nearby?’ They looked at each others face out shock. Guess I am the only girl they have met in their life who asked this question to them on face, without any hesitation. I repeated the question and one of them showed me where it is.

Way to the heaven was shown. I left my entire luggage in that room and asked them to watch till I come back. ‘Ah!’ again. Came out with a smile of relief and thanked them. The shock on their face was still intact even when I was walking out.

Next bus, 22 kms to my home… it rained heavily on the way and I needed a very warm welcome. Hot water in the “bachhalu hande” and tasty food from mom’s hand, did give me a warm welcome.

I just decided on 2 things. 1. Will never boast that I can hold on without emptying and 2. Will never drink too much water, or have food that contains too much water content when planning to travel.


2. Traveling 12 kms on the bike, with laptop, in rain

Yeah! Did I say I took off and went home? Actually there was a promise made to my boss to take this off, that I would be available on mail if required. I carried the network card, but it did not work in my native. The only option I had was to travel to the close by taluk HQ and check if net works there. My bad luck it did not work there too. All these testing I finished on Sunday itself, so that I can make a plan for Monday. Now the last option was to use net in cyber café.

Monday evening went alone to HQ, and started working. Few calls made, mails checked, and work finished. For us, Bangaloreans, 8:00 pm is just evening, but at a village like mine, it’s night. Dad called up 10 times to check when I am leaving and how I am going to come and all that. Thankfully my cousin joined me there and parents were happy about the safe journey I am going to have.

To avoid this, I decided to start early, the next day. My cousin also wanted to join, so he suggested we would go in bike and come back. I wore my dad’s water proof jacket and pant, put my laptop in a big plastic cover and sat behind him. The moment we left, it started raining.

This journey, where the rain drops were hitting my face really hard and am having 2 mobiles, a laptop to protect from water, was one of the best travels I have had in rain. I was not able to open my eyes and my eyes were burning.

After reaching HQ, I started my work and my cousin went to finish his work. I had a call at 4:30 PM and at 4:00 PM my bladder started giving signals to empty my tank. Oh! God! Where am I going to go? I have a call and am sitting in a cyber café where no such facilities are available.

I asked the café owner, he suggested that I should reach to the hotel nearby and ask. I ran to that place, and thankfully they had a toilet. I was back to the café with all my concentration only on the call and nothing else.

In rainy season, whenever I leave home, empty the tank and then move – very strong lesson learnt. (In Bangalore you will find 100 places and ways to manage this, but in villages, unless you are ready to do the “road side thing”, one will have tough times finding toilets)


3. Climbing up a guava tree

Nothing about emptying tank here…it’s all about filling the tank.
In my doddamma’s house, they have this beautiful guava tree which produces very sweet and tasty guava fruits. Guava trees are normally very slippery and they get very risky in rainy season. This tree which was full of fruits was very tempting and I wanted to climb up.

Dad climbed first and he picked many fruits for me and he came back. I ate 2 – 3 fruits and then decided to go up on the tree, pluck some fruit and have it on top. That gives a very different feeling. Have you ever climbed up a tree? And had a fruit sitting on top of it?

It was after long time I was climbing. I was so very happy and excited. One, two, three, branches climbed and yes! If not on top of the world, at least I was on top of the tree. Had a fruit standing there looking at the lush greenery around, my cousin took some pictures of mine, standing on top, (I don’t know when I will get the chance to climb a tree again) climbed down.

My native is a small little dreamland for me, where whatever I do is accepted and enjoyed. I shouted out loud standing in the midst of paddy field, laughed out loud with my dad and mom and got drenched in rain. Had cramps all over my legs due to cold weather and enjoyed that pain.

Back to reality, sitting and thinking about the great days I had and writing about it, so that I can share it with you.
Thanks for reading.

BhaShe

Going "On Air with Kenny Jones"

Yes Pals!
I was on air with Kenny Jones on the official morning show of the planet earth on Radio Indigo 91.9.

Background:
I transport to office in BMTC every day. Between 8:30 to 11:00, any time, 45 mins to an hour am in a bus, standing, sitting, or hanging on the doors on the foot board with nothing to do. So my best companion on the go are Radio stations in Bangalore. As I am a Kannadiga, I have the liberty to switch to any radio station, but my dials normally stop at 91.9.
I like the show Kenny does. It’s fun, it’s entertaining and he plays good music to light up your day.
This morning, on 30th of June 2010, when Kenny and Sriram picked up the topic ‘will you finish your dates plate if they don’t’, I was listening in.

On Air:
I dialed in those magical numbers ‘25502919’ curious and waiting to see if I get through. This line is busy lot of times (of course! It has to be). Oh! Its ringing… will they pick up? Oh! Yes! They picked it up and I hear Kenny’s attractive voice.
Damn! I am not prepared at all… I want to say, how much I like the show, they rock, I like Sriram’s wit, Kenny’s voice… no… none of this came out. I was excited and went clueless as to what to say! Bad!

So what did I actually say? I said a little hello… and went on to my take on the topic. Yes! I do finish my dates plate, as he has a habit of wasting food which I don’t like… so on and so forth. It was a nice little chat but it did lit up my day.

After effects:
Yes! I am having a hangover of the call, having a smile on my face. Had my dear friend Sam listen to this. Hey Kenny! that’s a nice pattern, record the conversation and play it a little late. I heard it and my dear friend Sam heard it too. We spoke later and had a blast. Am still smiling writing this post.

To Kenny:
I have a take on lot of things you guys discuss! I think majority of the listeners do have. I don’t like texting so I don’t do that. I tried calling up few times but couldn't’t go through. This special day, I am happy speaking to you. I liked that burp thing you added later. I would have done that if you had asked me to do so… lol. Thanks for having me on Air.

Off Air:
Music makes my day! This day, I have a very busy schedule post lunch at the office, am not sure if the smile that Kenny lit up will remain till the end. But I am sure it’s gonna light up again as am meeting a very special person and a bunch of loved ones in the late evening.
I just came up with a thought to keep oneself happy throughout the day. “give yourself a sweet something, a good news every morning, and light up that smile, and try and hold it the whole day” how does that sound now? I owe you Kenny!

Loving the day!

BhaShe

Pure Dance Pleasure - So You Think You Can Dance

I have told a lot of times that like all forms of art. Dance is one in the list. I had interest in dance since I was a kid, but could not learn any forms due to lack of resourceful teachers.

I first saw this dance show in 2006. Season 2 was running at that time. I saw few additions series, and then did not continue watching it as they did many repeat telecast. Later, I think when the show was at the stage where only top 14 or 12 dancers were performing, and then I got back to watching the show again. Amazing! I was moved my all those dance styles, the ability of choreographers to tell stories in those dance routines, and those steps, moves, I became a fan of the show.

In the history of my life (I know am a little young to use these terms, still) this is the only program i have been following since 4 years, and I have never felt bored, not even in a single episode. This program gets first broadcasted in India, every Tuesday @ 9:00 pm and gets re-telecasted @ 11:00 pm or 12:00 midnight and again next Sunday at 4:00 pm. Sometimes the show is so good that I watch it all the 3 times.

Everything about this show is interesting and incredible. Stage, host, judges, format, everything is exceptional. Even someone, who does not know the alphabets of dancing, can sit and watch this show and get a feel of being well entertained all the time.

If you put 'So You Think You Can Dance' in google it throws out great amount of information. In social networking sites, many fan clubs for this show is available. Every season, new dancers, new dance styles, new choreographers, this show is entertainment at its best.

I have been thinking of writing about this great show in my blog since long time. This time, as the 100th episode of the show is getting broadcasted, I sit and write this post and thank all the creative heads who made such a great show and all creative choreographers and dancers, who have made the show as interesting as it is.

Broadcast in India is not in the format or in line with as it happens in US. We are normally one season back of the US and get to see the show like after an year's time. This has a possibility or chance of making the show a little less curious as you can get to know who is going to win. However, this has never made me lose interest in the show. This is like getting to know who will win the match but watching the match, but watching it later to enjoy it ball to ball will still be good.

I dream of going to the US, and then to Hollywood and watch this show, live, once in my life. I want to see those dance moves live through my eyes. If I ever get on to that stage, I may just die out of happiness. I have become such a fan.

Every Tuesday, I try my best to finish the work early and move home just to watch this show. A colleague of mine suggested to download the show episodes or buy them in cd's. I say, the excitement of watching it in a telecast will not be there when you have it all as a download or cd.

I wish this dance show goes on and on and I keep watching and enjoying it the way I do now.

I LOVE SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE.

Cheers!

BhaShe

Letter to a Known Stranger

Dear Stranger,

I am not sure what you will feel after reading this, but what to do? I was not able to resist myself from writing this. I wanted to know from you if I over did something that has stopped you from being what you are?

You are different and I felt it the first day we met. In that filled compartment where I was all surrounded by my family members, relatives and friends, but I was feeling so lonely. None of them found that out. Your eyes caught it the first time you saw me. Even after having so many my people around me my mouth was shut. We just saw each other and I turned my face. Am sure you were looking at me for some time at-least. That’s the reason you still remember me and smiled at me this time.

I liked you in the first look but I was so depressed that day that I never said anything. We continued the journey, you got down first and I missed you till I reached my destination.

Life went on. I never thought I would ever meet you again. I always wanted to meet you and was not sure as I never took any contact details. I dreamt of you meeting me again and making me smile. I felt that you may be able to give me such comfort.

4 years passed and there I was, post graduate, with a job in hand and enough energy and smile to light up the whole world. Life changed me from an introvert to an extrovert. I somehow always attributed that quality of mine to you and gave you the credit for whatever I became. I know you would think that this is so irrelevant and mindless but I felt happy giving you the credit. I felt satisfied doing so.

This time when I met you, though you recognized and smiled at me the feeling of surprise was clearly visible on your face. I think even you never thought that you would meet me again and not for sure with such bright colours. I was all happy and waved my hand when I saw you. I should thank that train.

We spoke this time and we spoke a lot. I told you everything that was there in my heart. I think the saying that only in front of strangers you can empty yourself is so true. I spoke everything and you were all ears to listen. Though the journey was very short it was very sweet and memorable.

This time we exchanged contact details and promised each other that we would write or text. I was happy and thrilled to meet you again. We departed on the railway station taking two different directions.

I was not able to call you or write you for 5 – 6 days as I got lost in some personal work. However influenced by your charming personality I wrote poems on you and was eager to show them to you. I was influenced by you. Here is the poem I wrote for you:

You are always noticed... you are not like them
They are always lost in doing their profit and loss accounts
And you counted smiles and cared for tears

You are always admired... you deserve it
You keep the human being inside you always alive
They live with dead faces

You care and you show you care
You identify people by what they are and not by what you want to see in them
It fills up the identity need

Truthfulness spills out of your eyes
Concern out of every word you speak
People keep their heart open and share secrets with you

You know when to be ears, when to be silent
You know when to crack that joke and pull a leg
You are new age Krishna spreading joy all around

I wish to fine more people like you... more human beings
Who make this world a better place to live
Who donate smile and wipe others tears

Hope you remember reading this poem on the first mail I sent.
I was so excited to have a means to reach you whenever I was down or breaking or feeling low. I felt that you are going to be my source of inspiration always. I showed all my excitement and happiness when I wrote you the first time.

Was that a little too much of happiness and belongingness shown on a stranger? Did I over do it?

You never replied to that mail of mine. Whenever I tried your number it said out of coverage area. I thought that you might be traveling and because of which you were not reachable. So many days passed, now my hope started dying. I thought I had found a treasure, a true great friend, an always trustworthy person but I now I feel I have gone terribly wrong.

You never replied to any of those mails of mine, nor picked my calls or replied to my messages. My dream of having you as a great friend of mine is not shattered. I clearly understand you are avoiding me.

Here, by putting all these words in this letter all I want to tell you is that, I did not expect anything from you other than care and concern. I don’t have any feelings other than being a friend of yours. You have shown disrespect to such pure feelings of mine but I forgive you. I still attribute my success to you and hope to hear from you soon.

I thank you for whatever you were to me and hope to see you again. I hope this letter of mine reaches you.

Anonymous

My Drama Days!!!

Am going to talk about my theatre and drama days. It’s a colorful feather on my hat.

I was in 6th standard when I did my first drama in school. That was the story of Ekalavya, where I played the role of Ekalavya. I was thrilled as my teachers preferred me over other students in my class and in 7th standard. I was the only one from 6th in the team, rest all were from 7th. I think that was the time I got attracted towards acting.

Then on, though I did not performed in any more dramas (coz none of my teachers were interested in making one) I always wanted to act.

I grew up hearing the stories about my Ajja (mom's dad) doing dramas. I always thought when I grow up and move to bigger cities, I will also be part of theatre.
I grew up, moved to a bigger city, but had no choice to expand my horizon, as I was staying in a jail like hostel. However, when you have the fire inside, it’s hard to hide it.

I was in second year of my graduation when my Kannada sir Mr. Mallesh Gowda decided to make a play for the college day celebrations. Me, and some of his students got selected for the play.

The drama was created based on a story we had about two Rushi's finding out the pain of a poor farmer. He created the script. We all read it good number of times and got ready to put the expressions on.

Practice went on really well and the performance too. So there I was with a new recognition in college.

I had more fun when we played the drama I wrote, for our third year inauguration. That was a comedy flick where an arrogant daughter (I played that role), humble father and sister are hosting a polite guy, his dominating mother and deaf father who have come for bride interview. I had a wardrobe makeover, image makeover after this play. It was a huge success and an unforgettable moment in my life.

For my final year college day celebration, I was part of another drama where I played the role of Yamaraj. It is the only element I remember about that drama.

I moved to a much bigger city, Bangalore. Within 4 months of entering this city, I was part of a theatre group called 'The First Act'. My dreams were true and I was up in the sky when I joined the group.

We organized a theatre festival which was a huge success. Our group also had a play but as I had exams I was not part of the play. I worked for the marketing team and it was fun too.

It’s been more than 2 years that I did all this. Those golden days are safe in my memory and now in my blog too. Another all time attraction in my life - theatre.

Bhashe

Me on radio

Yes... That’s right. I was on radio in Hassan. It was in 2004 I guess. I was either in my second or in final year of graduation. I had attended a quiz conducted by Hassan FM radio. There were many other folks giving all other sorts of programs. Mr. RJ at that time (sorry for not remembering your name) told me that they have time slots for all sorts of programs including poetry reading. That sounded interesting... Poetry on radio... let me do it. I gave him the diary in which I had written my poems. He selected 7 or 8 of them and said they will suffice for the stipulated time. Wow! I was on the 7th cloud.

Though I had done some radio while attending quizzes and all I was nervous. Practiced for good number of times and yes I was ready at last.

Recording alone was also a wonderful experience. Sitting in the recording room which is sound proof, acting by the instructions of the radio jockey over there, hmmmm I enjoyed every second of it. I think my program was for 15 or 20 minutes. Recording was over and I was out of the room.

Mr. RJ showed me the disk on which my voice is recorded and he played it too. Wow! It was awesome to hear my voice. I was extremely happy.

The broadcast was scheduled for another day. Happily I left the AIR Hassan station.

Fortunately my mom visited me on the day when my poetry got broad-casted as my aunt had come down from California. We all me, mom, aunt, mom's dad, lot more family people were gathered at my grand pa's place.

Portico where we were sitting was dead silent and everyone’s ears were hooked to radio. Yes... It started on time, went on and got over. Every one applauded and congratulated me. Mom was more than happy like me.

I never did radio again. I never thought of doing it or taking it seriously even after observing the buzz of it in Bangalore and even after doing my project on Radio listenership. Now a weak voice inside me calls for doing more. When I hear so many radio stations here in Bangalore, I feel like reaching them, just to know if I can do something here too.

Am writing this blog while listening to radio... and hoping to be part of it in any way.

BhaShe

ಸಮಜಾಯಿಷಿ

ನನ್ನ ಬ್ಲಾಗೇ ನಾನು ನಿನ್ನ ಮರೆತಿಲ್ಲ...
ಸಮಯದ ಅಭಾವ ನನ್ನ ನಿನ್ನಿಂದ ದೂರ ಇಟ್ಟಿದೆ
ಅಗಸ ಗೋಣಿಯ ಕಥೆ ನೆನೆಯಬೇಡ
ಸಲಕರಣೆಗಳಿಂದ ವಂಚಿತಳಾಗಿ ಸುಮ್ಮನಿದ್ದೆ
ಇನ್ನು ಮುಂದೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ನಿನಗೆ ಬಣ್ಣ ಹಚ್ಚುತ್ತೇನೆ
ನಿನ್ನ... ಭಾಶೆ

One night in and around Athena – The Leela galleria discotheque

On last Saturday evening, me and my hubby Prabbhu left home at 8 Pm. We reached Ms. S1’s place by 8:30 where Ms. S2 and Mr. A were waiting for us. We chilled out there for some time, got ourselves warmed up for the party mood and went to Athena.

As we had gone there in bike, we parked it in the adjacent road which is a parking area (where normally all Leela visitors park their bikes) and went inside. Prabhu has been parking his bike there since long. He also left his helmet in the safety lock as usual.

Athena, as usual was partly crowded at 9:30. Though DJ Shash (hope this is the right spelling, he is called so all the time, don’t know his full name) was inside, he was not playing music. It was just the warm up music which was played and we were standing, sitting, moving around, and waiting for Shash to start. After a long warm up secession, at 10:30, DJ started with his house music. By this time Athena was fully crowded and ready to rock.

Some known songs remixed, some new ones, hmmm… it started. Every body was dancing and screaming and having fun. Prabhu and Mr. A started with their regular steps. They forgot that they have come with their partners and were dancing with each other. We three girls, with no better option (as our partners were busy) were a group.

I could see bottles and shots going around and getting empty, packets of fire getting burnt what not? Some were clicking photos, some were looking for partners, some were just watching and some dancing like hell, lot of show offs, the ones who have a partner in hand were also looking for some new ones, all that which happens in a regular discotheque.

Till 12, one and a half hours of amazing music, we all were sweated in there. Now all pains slowly showed up as a result of marathon dancing. Party was over and every one started moving out.

I could see broken bottles, spilled drinks, “not able to walk” people and bouncers and friends helping them out of the place. Happy and relaxed we went to the parking lot.

After reaching parking lot, we used the first method of searching his bike. Look for a black pulsar, having a helmet on its back. We walked the whole stretch but couldn’t locate. Now the second method – look for the number. Yes here it is… but… are… there is no helmet!!!

I know you all have seen the regular helmet lock used in bikes. If you have not, see this.


This is what Prabhu had in his bike too.



We went close and realized that the helmet lock was broken. First I thought it should be water tanker, which was standing there, might have come close and the helmet lock got broke. Thinking that the helmet would be lying on the floor I searched for it. But for our shock we saw most of the bikes parked there have had their locks broken and helmets vanished. Oppps… I can’t believe it. In this area, next to Leela, helmets are stolen.

Our entire good mood with high energy went down. Cursing the thieves, Prabhu opens the bike lock. And again petrol indicator has gone 3 points below. Heights!!! We head to the one and only hotel which stays open late nights, close to MG road, to get food.

At Ms. S1’s place again, in the after party mood, we all eat, play games and head back home. Prabhu’s eyes, for the first time, was getting filled with tears, as he rode the bike, due to high speed and cold wind at 3 in the night, in the empty stretch of ring road. We can’t stop cursing those thieves. Prabhu decides that he will park the bike in Ms. S1’s place, which is very close by, next time on.

Next morning, Prabhu buys a new helmet and a new wire helmet lock (which comes with either a key or number lock) and makes sure his helmet stays safe. Now I understand what “parking at your own risk” means.

Cheers
BhaShe