The Memory Test

This is a story of my life that I got reminded of recently, I don’t know why. I believe that I am still the way I was when this incident happened. Before this story gets lost in my brain again, I am writing it down.

I was in either 6th or 7th standard. We used to have hobli, taluk and district level competitions for singing, group dance, general knowledge, quiz, don’t know what not and for memory. You would have already guessed what a memory test is. Some 50 odd items are kept in a classroom and all the participants are asked to have a look at these items for about 5 or 10 minutes and write them down in the next 10 or 15 minutes. Yeah! That’s the game I am talking about.

I had won the hobli level competition and had progressed to the next level that is taluk level. These competitions were normally held at different schools every year. I think that year it was held at Kottigehara or jawali or some other place. Me, other winners from my school and our teacher went to the competition.

Other competitions were in progress and we were sitting/standing in the school premises waiting for our completions to start. As I had nothing to prepare for, some causal talks were also going on. I don’t remember exactly how and why it happened, I think we went in search of a place to sit, and happened to notice an open window of a classroom which had the items set for the memory test.

If you participate/win in a district level competition, there is some certification and recognition. To get there, one has to win the taluk level competition. This is also an honor to the school.

My teacher told me to have a detailed look at the items, write them down and memorize them, so that I win the competition. Along with a friend of mine, I went near the window to have a clear view of all the items listed there.

I looked at those items for a couple of minutes and I came back. I told my teacher that I do not want to participate in the competition. She asked my friend who had accompanied me to participate. He agreed. He went and listed all the items down and participated and won the competition there. The school had incurred my travel expenses which went for a waste because I did not participate.

I could not compete because I knew from inside that it was not right. I don’t remember what reasons I gave to my teacher but I definitely did not tell her my inner feeling. I was in 6th or 7th standard then. Am sure most of us agree winning a competition is always an achievement. I did not participate.

I think am still the same.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Soul Search

When I was in my +2 classes and 1st year of graduation, this question normally used to hang around in my thoughts, ‘why am I here?’ We all take birth, study, earn and die, but what is the purpose of this whole journey? Why have we been created and what are we supposed to do?

When I got in to 2nd year or so in my graduation, I had found a goal, though temporary, to do MBA. Money, monitory benefits, having a loving partner took over the space I had for these quests.
I was lost in finding my way out, doing higher studies, and in the meanwhile found a loving partner and now, today, I am a happily married lady.

This question of setting a new goal in life kept on coming, the date I joined my job. ‘Joining a good job goal’ was ticked off that day and then I was open for another goal. Marriage became my next priority as I had already found a loving partner. After being married for an year, now am looking to set another goal.

I had been thinking of joining dance classes, or studying law, or M. A. in Kannada or Psychology and all that for a while, but that also would end up being a short term goal. What next is the biggest question I face majority of the times… so what next?

Reading books has been one of my hobbies. While doing my graduation, I have read some books about Sri. Ramakrishna Paramhamsa written by his disciples. I have always been having an attraction towards these kind of books and I have read a few. Those memories are hunting me down now and I am dragged back to those days where my only goal was to find myself. I am strongly haunted by those thoughts now and looking for a way out!

Suddenly a craving has now raised to read ‘Bhagavad Gita’. I am looking for a copy where they have given the Shloka’s and the meaning of it. Not sure where to buy and which one to buy!

Spirituality has been part of my life since childhood. Guess, by the pressure of life, or by the colors of material stuff around me, my interest or craving for spiritual fulfillment had gone covered. Now some serious thinking, which was forced on me, is leading me to think in those terms again and that need is raising again.

I also get a doubt, if am doing some escaping action by taking a refuge under those books and thoughts. Not very sure if am running away, also not very sure from what I have to run away. So hopefully it's not a escaping trick.

Hoping for a safe landing.

BhaShe

Full moon night on the lake side

It was after watching “Love aaj kal, that me and Amar decided to have our last trip, can be called a break up trip to Goa.

We are a group of 8, with friends, boy n girl friends, ex’s and every sort of modern mess up. Me and Amar had been dating each other since 3 – 4 years. Now that my parents wanted me to get married, and as Amar was moving to Canada, for his job, with no plans of marriage, we had to break up. I was badly hurt, but was not able and did not want to express it. We were thrilled by the idea of break up party of “Love aaj kal” planed for break up trip.

We left here on last Friday night on 4 bikes. It was a full moon night, sky was almost clear, night was calm. Long stretch of straight roads didn’t thrill us much.

I said last trip to Goa in the beginning right? Yea….. it will be the last trip with friends. I fell in love with Goa, the first time I visited there and then it became our second home. Everything about Goa thrills me. Adventure sports, drinks, sleepless night and time I get with Amar there. We got intimate in one of our trips to Goa, so it means so much for me.

We had stopped on the way to warm up ourselves with a smoke. There were two roads in front of us, one which takes to Goa and another which is unexplored. It was a small road and we have never noticed it at all.

We thought of exploring this small new road. It was a mud road having lantana bushes on both sides. We rode for about 2 – 3 kilo miters and we saw a big rather very big lake. Absence of blowing wind has made the lake look calm and as a big sheet of glass. Moon light created a different effect, making the lake look more than beautiful. The shore of the lake was small and biking looked difficult.

We parked our bikes close by and decided to take a walk on the shore. I was leaning on Amar and walking on the shore was like walking on the path of roses for me. I knew my life will never be the same again. We walked kilo meters and reached an areca nut plantation. Fencing of the plantation was near the shore and it continued for a long stretch. We continued walking on the shore and reached the end of fencing and beginning of forest. We decided not to entre forest and move back, but we saw a water flow feeding the lake.

We changed our decision and followed the water flow in the forest. A big pond was the source of the water flow. We were all tired by that time and decided to rest. We sat down across the shore of the pond and started up with usual talk.

Then we saw a group of three, two guys and a gal coming out of the thick forest behind. They were talking about wild life and sounded as explorers of forest. They had modern bows and arrows and sharp knives. After they saw us they wanted to get all of us out of the forest safely.

Vikram was leading that group of three and was an expert in wild life. He warned to get out of farest ASAP.

In the mean while Naina throwed a stone in to the pond which obviously created waves. Sanjana, who was pretty much enjoying watching the clear water and moons reflection got annoyed and started fighting with Naina.

Water which was clear like gloss turned muddy in seconds. Movements inside the water increased as a hyper reaction to the stone thrown. We were all surprised, then Meena, from the team of three said that the movement in the water was not because of the stone and it is natural.

She continued: After certain time in the night, some creatures inside water become active and hunt for their food. As other nocturnal creatures they sleep in day and function in night. This also means that this is the time when other animals in the forest come to drink water. So this means we had limited time to get out of the forest.

Vikram showed a different way to get out… we all followed him. It was a wet and watery place inside the arecanut plantation. There was a small channel with slow water flow. Sky was fully covered by clouds and as we were waling inside the plantation the tall arecanut trees has made the place darker.

We were waling only based on Vikram’s instructions. Something moved in the water and suddenly Vikram took and arrow shot in a second. He said its a big fish which got missed in a fraction of second. We moved ahead.

Kiran, who was with Vikram had already hit 2 fishes. They had a plan of getting back to the forest and camping there for few more days.

After a point me and Vikram got separated from the group. Vikram lost his way and we were on a different path. As we walked down with the hope of joining the group again we entered another boundary with newly planted arecanut plants and more ups and downs as the place was newly cultivated.

Vikram suspected snake presence there so we walked carefully through the accumulated bio-garbage. After walking for a while we found a water source where some bamboos were put. Vikram said wading may be risky as we walked carefully on the bamboo poles.

There we heard a lady and a kid talking about a deer. Ah! At last we had reached main road we thought. Alas! We were wrong. The lady and the baby are from the local tribal group.

For our surprise we saw a dog protecting a newly born deer. When we observed it closely we were shocked to death to see that it was a cross breed of deer and dog. Vikram decided to take that creature to his laboratory.

Me… away from Amar in the safe hands of Vikram decided to move on to a new life.