Monday, January 30, 2012

Please let us live by our terms

When we were kids you introduced us to the society
Told us what is right and what is wrong
Told us how a family is built and how it works
Made us believe in love, marriage and things like that
We took your advice and walked our steps
Brought together by love, united by marriage

We are a family now, only we two
Though part of a your families, we are on our own
We make rules, as follow them or break
We live the life we wanted, the way we like
Still in line with the rules of the society

Why do you poke your nose into our house
Make us feel what you think is what is right
Make us into something what we are not
Follow your opinions and have differences
Spoil the peace of mind, that we otherwise have

Our life within those four walls is ours
No society, no relative, no friend is allowed
We know each other better than any of you know us
We know what we want and when we want
We have our terms to keep our life happy

Please let us live by our terms
Our happiness is the only thing that should matter
We know our life, or at least we’ll figure out on our own
Don’t overload us with your point of views
Too many advisers does not make a happy marriage.


Tuesday, January 24, 2012


As the sun sets, light dims, stars twinkle
As the full moon emerges from the other end
As the high tides wash away our sand castle
I look at the remaining ruins of our castle
And think, what good memories

Such enthusiasm I had this morning
Plan was to spend a whole day with you
On the beach, playing with the waves and rocks
It was a dream picnic spot for anybody
Plan was to just have some time for life

We built such beautiful and detailed castle
I was the Princess and you were the King
Our story went on and on for the whole day
With no watch, mobile or laptop around
We lost the count of time, we forgot the tick-tock

You left just before the sunset, time had passed
I stood watching you disappear in to darkness
Still wanting to know when can we do this again
Waves got rough and destroyed our castle
I am dragging myself home, carrying "memories"


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Life Partner "Best Friend for Life"

If I remember right, there is a shloka which says wife is your best friend for life. Considering today’s lifestyle, I figured it may mean to say your life partner is your best friend for life.

In earlier days, men used to be the bread earner and women used to stay home and take care of the households. Men used to see the world and women used to make their home their world. Women used to use all that they have to do the roles of Mantri, Rambha, Mata and so on as it goes in another shloka. However, today, as both men and women do both the roles of earning bread and looking after the household, they both need to be each others best friend.

Why friend might be your question. In marriage the string that binds each other is not blood, but love, and sometimes the outcomes of a marriage. Two people who are married are expected to live together, help each other in daily life and share a whole lot of stuff. This emphasizes on the requirement to have a friendly relationship with each other. I know a lot of couples hate whom they are married to more often than they love, but that does not make the marriage broken. If that need to be taken seriously then all marriages would lead to divorce. It always is a love-hate relationship and a balance is what makes it work. That balance, a lot of times, is brought by the friendliness in the relationship.

So, coming back to the friendship part, which sounds as a necessity for a good marriage. How many of us can claim that their wife/husband is their best friend? I don’t know how many but I would be happy every time the count increases. How many of us are transparent with our life partners? It may be “I’ll smoke at office hours and she’ll not get to know” or “I’ll cheat on him at office hours and he’ll not get to know” or more. Hiding facts, hiding truth, from the person who we claim we love a lot and with whom we share out life. How right is that? If all these hidden facts come to light, the effects would rock the boat. However, more and more couples are hiding their life from their life partners.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be frank with the one person you love. Tell that you are doing something that they may not like. Take the truth on its face value and get over with. Wouldn’t it make life simpler, better and worth living?

Ego and taking for granted are other two important factors that can spoil a marriage. Why should I say sorry has the power to make many night and days silent. These issues dries out the love out of the relationship and makes it a burden. Why wait to say sorry? Why not forgive without a sorry? Every minute that is spent on these fights and talk less time had the potential to be a memorable time. Why turn it in to pain when it can be fun.

Trust on each other is also very important for a happy marriage. We believe whatever a friend says without much of discussion and debate, we ask friends for help when we are in trouble and look at issues from their point of view, then why not life partner? Aren't they the best people to help? They know our life as much as we know it and they can help us better. We trust a friend easily then why not partner? Is it because we own them? Is it because of the possessiveness they have on us that makes their view point invalid? I don't think it makes it invalid, rather it makes it more appropriate. Things might go wrong sometimes, but when it hasn't? There is no perfect way of doing things. So, trust your partner and hold their hands tight. It strengthens the bond.

We live a short life and we live only once. Keeping a different, rude attitude towards the world is okay, but not with life. As we all know life can get really short for all of us any time making it sweet and worth living is the best way to live.

Make friendship with your partner. Say that you love them, say that you did not like something, say that you do something that they do not like. But say it all. Do not hide it. Be transparent. Share you had a crush on the good looking girl and make sure that you get over with it. Share that you made a mistake, when it was done but make sure that you never do it again. Forgive accidents and forget those bad times and fights. Make that life that you wanted to live, yours.

There are a list of advantages for having your life partner as best friend:
1. First and foremost view point from the other sex is easily available and that gives any issue a 360 degree outlook
2. Impact of such thing on the family can be put to perspective easily
3. You’ll have a punching bag all the time
4. Poring work tension on family can be reduced
5. Issues are resolved as a talk and not fight
6. You both are in the same page all the time on anything that is happening in each of your lives

The only disadvantage I see is that frequency of fights might increase, however the duration and intensity of it will be far lesser than once a blue moon fight. Anger is not accumulated and there is a proper vent for it to go out. Secrets of a marriage can be kept between the two, and embarrassments reduced.

With requirement for both life partners to work, we get so less time with each other. Why not tap the advantage of having a friend all the time? Make the best of the person with whom life is shared. Keep it simple, clean and truthful. Life sounds so much easier that way.

I have a full time friend in my husband and I hope he thinks the same way too. I wish all marriages turn to a life time bound friendships and all married lives have a happy life.