ಬೇಲಿ, ದಣಪೆ ಮತ್ತು ಭಗವಂತ

from here http://ittigecement.blogspot.in/2014/04/blog-post.html

to here http://dinakarmoger.blogspot.in/2014/04/blog-post_14.html#comment-form

and then,

ಅವನ ಮನೆ ಸೇರುವಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲಿ ನಾನು ಬೆವತು ಹಣ್ಣು. ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಏನೇನು ಆಗಬಹುದು ಊಹಿಸಿಯ ಮನಸ್ಸುಹಕ್ಕಿ ಹಾಗೆ ಹಾರಡಿತ್ತು. ನನ್ನ ನಾಚಿಕೆ, ಅವನ ಹೊಗಳಿಕೆ, ಅಯ್ಯಯ್ಯೊ... ಅಬ್ಬಬ್ಬಾ...

ನನಗಾಗಿಯೇ ಕಾದಿದ್ದ ಅವನು...

ಮೊದಲು ಟೀ ನಂತರ ಫೈಲ್ ಕೆಲಸ ಎಂದ...

ಹಾರುತ್ತಿದ್ದ ನನ್ನ ಎದೆಯನ್ನು ಹಿಡಿದು ಅಡಿಗೆ ಮನೆಗೆ ನಡೆದೆ...

ಗ್ಯಾಸ್ ಹಚ್ಚಲು ಲೈಟರ್ ತೆಗೆದೆ...

ಗ್ಯಾಸ್ ಆನ್ ಮಾದಿದೆ... ಅಷ್ಟರಲ್ಲಿ ಅವನು ಅಡುಗೆ ಮನೆ ಬಾಗಿಲಿಗೆ ಬಂದ...

ಅವನ ತುಂಟ ನಗು ನೋಡುತ್ತಾ ನಿಂತೆ ನಾನು... ಮಾತಿಗೆಳೆದ ಅವನು...

ಗ್ಯಾಸ್, ಸದ್ದೇ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ, ವಾಸನೆಯೂ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ಅಡುಗೆ ಮನೆಯ ಗಾಳಿಯನ್ನು ಆವರಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಿತ್ತು... ಅದರ ಅರಿವು ಇಬ್ಬರಿಗೂ ಇರಲಿಲ್ಲ

ಫೋನ್ ರಿಂಗ್ ಆದದ್ದು ಕೇಳಿ, ಅವ, ಟೀ ಮಾಡು, ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಬಾ, ಮಾತಾಡೋಣ ಎಂದು ಹೇಳಿ ಹಾಲ್ ಗೆ ನಡೆದ...

ಫೋನ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಅವನು ಹಾಯ್ ಎಂದು ನನ್ನ ಪತಿಯ ಹೆಸರು ಹೇಳಿದಾಗ ಕನಸಿನ ಲೋಕದಲ್ಲಿದ್ದ ನಾನು ವಾಸ್ತವಕ್ಕೆ ಬಂದಿದ್ದೆ...

BhaShe

Schizophrenia

May be, he loves me
Though I don’t see it
I’d rather believe it

I know am on high guards
I know am in a strong shell
But you can’t stop me from dreaming

Why should I believe you?
For that matter any one?
My ears hear different music

May be, he does not even exist
But, that is true in your reality
Mine has nothing to do with yours

BhaShe

Kitchens – The not-usually-seen ones

I have made it very clear how much I hate cooking. If it was not, now you know! But the irony is I love eating. If you have seen me, you have seen how evident it is. If you have not, then, blame your luck! This background information is furnished just to tell you that I visited some kitchens that are not seen by us on a daily basis.

I know somebody at Domino’s and I have been asking this person to show me the kitchen (I have become such a frequent visitor to Domino’s that I know 2 – 3 people there). He kept denying saying that its evening, the kitchen might be messy and so on. One fine afternoon, I was there and then suddenly it occurred to me that its afternoon and the day has just started and the kitchen would be ready for a visit. And, yes, I was given a kitchen tour.

The cold storage, I liked it there, I think it was 0 or -4 degree temperature and it was nice. All veg and non-veg stuff stored separately, their packaging, how materials come there and how they turn into a pizza and all that. Then I saw the preparation area, where the pizza gets prepared.

You have heard the order takers scream “refresh” once the order is placed right? That is for the screen near the preparation area where they get to see the order and make it. They have the cut veggies stored there, the toppings n all that we eat.

Then the oven, where a pizza is done in 6 minutes, yes. The raw one is put on the conveyor which carries it inside the oven, keeps it moving n after 6 minutes when it comes out, it will be ready to eat. Nice right?

Then the packaging area, where the order number is stuck to a shelf and the pizzas get cut, packed and gets ready to deliver. It’s all a very beautiful process.

It’s a very small kitchen compared to what I saw in a KFC.

After this visit to Domino’s I was curious about the other most important junk food I eat, burgers. As I have a KFC close to my house, one Saturday evening, I decided to pay a visit n spend some time knowing how they cook.

KFC has a really long kitchen, 4 levels or steps as I recollect. One cold storage and one freezer area, pre-preparation areas, preparation areas, one ready-to-eat-made-ready space and the sales counter.

I had seen the cold storage area but deep freezing, oh my god, it was freezing. The temperature was at -20 degrees and I ran out of the area as soon as I can. They also have a normal storage space where groceries are stored.

KFC gets cut veggies by a vendor, and guess that is how it works at other places too. Though I wished to see something getting done, because of lack of orders at that time, I only got to see the spaces and the equipments used.

The ovens, the deep frying area, the rice making place, the preparation area, it is again a very nice process. They purify the oil (used to deep fry) every day but change it once a week, made me think if I should eat at KFC anymore. Taste won and logic lost.

I have some more kitchens in my head now. Would you want to join me to explore some more kitchens?

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Transition

Happily married then,
Much happily divorced now

Then, it was all plans for two
Now, it's one, lot plans are now
Then, it was cozy places and corner seats
Now, it is lonely walks and self treats

Then, it was long nights on bed
Now, it is longer nights with good books
Then, it was compromise and adjustments
Now, it is priorities and my own trends

Then, it was shared smiles and bitter words
Now, it is fights with self and connected chords
Then, it was egos, tears, share and care
Now it is "I am the Queen of my World and I don't care"

Was that better or is this the best?
No such question, as it is all part of the quest
It is a transition from married to divorced
In the journey of life, nothing should be devoid.

BhaShe

Songs of the Hunger

Songs of the hunger
Are not made, but are born
Are sung from the stomach, not heart
Are powerful than anything else

Songs of the hunger
Are crude, rude and natural
They reach the heights and the lows
That are otherwise impossible

Songs of the hunger
Are from the earth and the skies
They bring out the best of what is
Colors and shades, smells and fragrances

Songs of the hunger
Come along with blood and tears
They are the true self of pain and pleasure
They are feelings and emotions ‘songified’

BhaShe

A day Trip to Penukonda

Don’t get Penukonda confused with Penugonda, I did and I was shocked. How am I supposed to reach this place in 3 hours from Mekhri circle, how is a KSRTC or an APSRTC bus gonna travel 800+ kms in 3 hours? Was Ramesh joking? Ramesh is so dead! Hey, hold on, was it Penugonda or Penukonda? He said it’s near Ananthpur, oh, hmm… my bad! Its penukonda and it’s only 140+ kms from Banglalore on the way to Hyderabad. Stupid me.

So, the occasion was my dear sweet neighbor Ramesh’s wedding. I had to go, and I did, today.

Got up at 5:30, (planned was 4:30!), tried those 2 dresses that I thought I would still fit in and I could not breath when I wore them. The third one did fit in and that’s the one for the day. Should I take a shawl? Yes, no, yes no, ok, forget it, am going to a dry area, no need of warm clothes. So, I was ready and was at Mekhri circle early enough.

‘There is a bus once every 10 minutes, take the one that comes through Bagepalli and not Hindupur, you will reach in two and half hours”, I waited and waited and waited, no bus at all. ‘Ramesh, you are so dead’. Well, how long did I wait? I was still home at 6:15 AM, and I might have left by then, would have reached the bus stop only by 6:30 or 6:40 and I got a bus at 7. God! That’s not too long! Bangalore has made me impatient, or was it the lack of music in my ears? Well, whatever, it felt as if I waited for hours to get that bus.

It was an APSRTC luxury bus. Is it still called APSRTC? Guess so. So, I have boarded this bus and it goes through Bagepalli. Nice start! The journey I started long back on the Hyderrabad highway, that was unfinished, was restarted today, but just to reach till Penukonda.

New route, I did not want to sleep, as I wanted to enjoy the beauty of the journey. I felt it was a dry area. It was a cloudy day, and chill at 7. I did doze off for some time. Read Oh Manase on the way, holding a Kannada magazine in an APSRTC bus where everyone else was reading Telgu granted me some gazes.

Ramesh told, ‘I am going to handover my phone to Anil, so, as soon as you get down at the bus stop, call me, I will get someone sent to the bus stop to get you picked’. So, I thought I would inform him am coming, so, I called, and called and called, no one picked up. Next option was to call Mani. I did and a lady picked up and said, ‘sorry wrong number’! Holy! What am I gonna do now? I do not have an invitation as he ran out of them when he invited me, a sms is what I have and it just says alight at penukonda stop! No! Ramesh, you are so dead! Ah! I remember the wedding is at vasavi kalyana mantap. I think I should be able to reach there!

Help came in the form of my build owner, as I called her, she gave me Mani’s other number and told that the venue is close to bus stop and any auto guy would take me there without much of trouble. Now I was sure that I will get there.

When my friends put up picture of their speeding car at 160 or 180 and mention that it was on the Hyderabad highway, I wondered, but now I know how and why they do that. Road is amazing, also it’s very boring, as its very dry, or is it because it’s almost summer and it’s dried up? Well, in any case, for the ones like me who are from the typical rainy regions of Karnataka, the Western Ghats, everything else is dry.

When I googled Penukonda, I knew there is a fort, but did not search enough to find more about it. I regret that now. As I got there, I saw boards indicating ‘way to the fort’. When I asked Anil if it is a place to visit, he laughed at me. I hope he was right, but if you tell me now that he was wrong, am gonna feel bad and am gonna make another trip.

Also, I wish I was there with my dad. Where ever we go, me and dad, we ensure to roam around the city to whatever extent we can and visit places there. I missed you Dad.

I reached the venue; the wedding was done in due time, met them and wished them, done. Lunch was done by 1:15, met the bride and groom again, said bye and left the place at 1:30.

I reach the APSRCT bus stop. I asked to get dropped there because I thought that is “The Bus Stop” and all buses would come there. Well, I do not know Telgu, I hope you all know that. So, am at the bus stop, I go the enquiry section and ask the person there ‘when is the next bus to Bangalore’, he says, at 2:15 or 2:30. Holy! Why, again! Ramesh had told there is a bus every 10 minutes, he is so dead. I ask again, what about KSRTC buses, the APSRTC person makes a face and says I have no details on their timings.

I was disappointed and went and sat, but hey, why are those people waiting outside the bus stop, oh, there comes a bus, let me see where that goes, it’s a KSRTC bus and yeah, it goes to Bangalore. As I sat down, I understood, the KSRTC buses won’t come inside an APSRTC bus stop and if I had waited inside, I would have been a real fool. Thank god!

Again, Hyderabad highway, because I had dozed off coming here, I decided again to stay awake. Oh Manase and music for my company. I saw Mango orchards but trees without any sign of any fruits. Also, there were many Vineyards, and the agriculturist in me got inquisitive. I wish I get to go to a vineyard, understand the cultivation process, eat some grapes there and come. I really want to do that, but how? Whom to contact? Many questions! Hopefully I will figure that out soon.

I did doze off on the way back too and I think I did not miss much. Was back at Mekhri at 4:30 PM! A short, nice, memorable trip to Penukonda was over like this!

BhaShe

The Memory Test

This is a story of my life that I got reminded of recently, I don’t know why. I believe that I am still the way I was when this incident happened. Before this story gets lost in my brain again, I am writing it down.

I was in either 6th or 7th standard. We used to have hobli, taluk and district level competitions for singing, group dance, general knowledge, quiz, don’t know what not and for memory. You would have already guessed what a memory test is. Some 50 odd items are kept in a classroom and all the participants are asked to have a look at these items for about 5 or 10 minutes and write them down in the next 10 or 15 minutes. Yeah! That’s the game I am talking about.

I had won the hobli level competition and had progressed to the next level that is taluk level. These competitions were normally held at different schools every year. I think that year it was held at Kottigehara or jawali or some other place. Me, other winners from my school and our teacher went to the competition.

Other competitions were in progress and we were sitting/standing in the school premises waiting for our completions to start. As I had nothing to prepare for, some causal talks were also going on. I don’t remember exactly how and why it happened, I think we went in search of a place to sit, and happened to notice an open window of a classroom which had the items set for the memory test.

If you participate/win in a district level competition, there is some certification and recognition. To get there, one has to win the taluk level competition. This is also an honor to the school.

My teacher told me to have a detailed look at the items, write them down and memorize them, so that I win the competition. Along with a friend of mine, I went near the window to have a clear view of all the items listed there.

I looked at those items for a couple of minutes and I came back. I told my teacher that I do not want to participate in the competition. She asked my friend who had accompanied me to participate. He agreed. He went and listed all the items down and participated and won the competition there. The school had incurred my travel expenses which went for a waste because I did not participate.

I could not compete because I knew from inside that it was not right. I don’t remember what reasons I gave to my teacher but I definitely did not tell her my inner feeling. I was in 6th or 7th standard then. Am sure most of us agree winning a competition is always an achievement. I did not participate.

I think am still the same.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Draupadi - The fear!

Don’t make any judgments based on the title here! All I intend to do, by giving this title is to showcase the fear of getting naked in public. Have you ever felt the fear of a major wardrobe malfunction in public? A wardrobe malfunction which will leave you with only basic garments on your body and which will leave you damaged for the rest of your life. I have something to share.

This was 2 or 3 years ago. Then, I used to stare at the sarees I have and feel bad for not wearing them at all. The ones which I cannot wear to any function, because they are not grand enough, were lying in my cupboard unused. One day I told myself, well, I’ll wear these sarees to work whenever I feel like.

The first day I did that, the response was overwhelming (well, all the complements from my colleagues made me feel so good that saree has become my medicine for depression). That day I decided to wear sarees often. That evening when I was on my way home, it started raining. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the bus stop to my house and as I carry an umbrella all the time, I started walking in the rain.

If you know and understand how a saree is worn, you know that the beginning of a saree is stuck into the petticoat. Imagine the beginning of the saree coming out. It’s an inner layer, so, you won’t be able to tuck it back in without taking off your saree or lifting it to a length that will not be decent. You will not even have easy access to get to the beginning, and also, as it comes out, there is a high chances that you might trip on it and fall down. Set of troubles!

As I was walking towards my home, I saw that my saree was coming down, and I realized that the beginning of my saree has come out from the clutches of my petticoat and I was stumbling on it. Just one more time it goes beneath my feet and I take a long step, my saree will be on the road!!! OMG!!! It’s a rainy evening, muddy road and a lot of people have taken shelters in the nearby shops waiting for the rain to stop, staring at the road. I was about to face a life scarring wardrobe malfunction.

Thankfully I got to know what is happening and what would happen if I continue. I halted, held the rest of the saree tight and started walking like a tortoise. I did reach home with my dignity held up high! Thank god for no malfunction on the road.

After this incident, I learnt a trick from my aunt. Put a knot to the beginning of the saree and tuck it inside the petticoat. This won’t let the saree to come out from that end easily! I do that and it’s a success, or that’s what I thought till recently.

This one is a very recent incident.

After finishing work, I was running towards the bus stop as it was already 9:30 in the evening. I was wearing a saree again this day. As it was cold, I had covered myself with a shawl. As it was late, I was walking very fast. Just when I was around the corner, I felt that my saree is coming down again, from the same end! What the hell! I had put the knot!

I rushed into a hotel nearby, and found a very small loo there. Thank god! I took the shawl off to see what is wrong! Sigh! Relief, it’s just my pallu which has come down from the wrong end! There is nothing wrong with the saree, it’s all fine, and I was just paranoid. I put the shawl back and ran to the bus stop.

You think I have stopped wearing saree now? Naa… these things can’t kill my spirit (or can’t kill my hunger for some complements once a while). ;) But I did feel the fear, I guess I know how Draupadi would have felt when she was dragged into the “sabhangana”.

BhaShe

Inhuman Sexual Behaviors

I am utterly disturbed since yesterday afternoon. When I am busy, these thoughts won’t bother me, but as soon as I am free, only this thing runs in my head. What is happening? Why?

Yesterday afternoon I started reading my favorite magazine “omanase”. In the counseling section of the magazine, a lady writes about her problem. The problem is, her husband, who is a professor, is a womanizer, he has slept with anything that is called a female, and he sleeps with his daughters too. His daughters are so addicted that they call him to bed too. This not just when they were 13 and did not know what was going on, but also when they are grown up, married and have kids. How is this even possible? How can I digest this? This is a true story and I mean, what the hell?

I tell this to a friend of mine who gives me 2 such cases in a minute, a man, who sleeps with his mom and sister and another one who sleeps with a lot of females including his aunt (dad’s sister).

What happened to “a husband and wife should have sex only when they desire to have a baby, else restrain from such activities” the sages story? Well, I agree that is very old school. We moved from that to unlimited sex and birth control, to having sex before marriage with the one whom you are going to marry, to unfaithful marriages and affairs, to having sex with an attractive person when you desire, to separating sex from love, to open marriage,s to one night stands. But this? Having sex with father, mother, brother, sister, daughter, aunt, I mean, isn’t it worse than animals?

You might say it’s a one in a million case. I have not done any research on this topic but 2 examples for one story I narrate, I mean, it has to be a one in a hundred case then! How else can the math work?

Where are we losing our values? Where is it going wrong in the system? My stomach hurts when I read this and feel sorry, restless and helpless. What weirdness is this?

What do I do? How can this be corrected? How can we bring in values to lives? How can we identify such people and give them proper advise, medication, counseling and cure them? This is an illness, a problem, a disorder.

I am still speechless and lost in the whirl of these thoughts.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Used

Use is a bad term but still I have to say
Every time I use you, I feel you leave a layer on me
The comfort, pleasure and sweet feeling
When I am with you, I feel the joy of being free

I do it without guilt, am built that way
I have no shame, morale or value per say
I pity you, feel bad, but still use you
For my own comfort and for my own play

I know I don’t treat you the way you deserve
I hurt you, trash you and put you in bad conditions
Still you stay with me, ready to serve
How can I ever thank you for your dedication

You know you are not only in my space
Still you stay, not being jealous or possessive
You know I just use you, only for my comfort
But you still give your life, without regret

Oh! My dear bathing bar, how do I thank you?
For helping me keep clean, be smell free
I feel your moisture on my skin after every wash
The few minutes with you, each day is bliss and glee

BhaShe

ಕನಸಲ್ಲಿ ಕಡಲೆಗಿಡ

ಛಳಿಗಾಲ
ಅವರೆಯ ಸೊಗಡಿನೊಂದಿಗೆ, ಕಡಲೆಯ ಗಿಡವನೂ ತಂತು
ನಾನು
ಅವರೆಯ ಅನುಭವಿಸಿ ಕಡಲೆ ಗಿಡಕ್ಕೆ ಹುಡುಕಾಡಿದೆ

ಖಾಲಿಯಾಗಿ ಒಣಗಿ ರಸ್ತೆಯಲಿ ಧೂಳಾಗಿದ್ದ ಕಂಡಾಗ
ಹುಡುಕಲಾರಂಬಿಸುತ್ತೆ ನನ್ನ ಕಣ್ಣುಗಳು
ಯಾರಾದರೂ ಕೈಲಿ ಹಿಡಿದಿರುವುದು ಕಾಣಿಸಿದರಂತೂ
ಹೋಗಿ ಕೇಳಿ ಬಿಡಲೇ ಎಲ್ಲಿ ಕೊಂಡಿರೆಂದು?

ಕನಸಿನಲ್ಲೂ ಕಡಲೆ ಗಿಡವೇ ನನ್ನ ಭಾಗ್ಯಕ್ಕೆ?
ಮಾರಲೊಲ್ಲದ ವ್ಯಾಪಾರಿ, ಬಿಡಲೊಲ್ಲದ ನಾನು
ಆ ರುಚಿಗಾಗಿ ಎಷ್ಟು ಹಾತೊರೆಯುತ್ತಿದೆ ಮನ
ಎಲ್ಲಿರುವೆ, ಎಲ್ಲಿರುವೆ, ಮನವ ಕಾಡುವ ಕಡಲೆ ಗಿಡವೇ?

ಒಂದು ಕಟ್ಟು, ಅರ್ಧ ಕೇಜಿ, ಸಿಕ್ಕರೆ ಸಾಕೀಗ ನನಗೆ
ಒಂದು ವರ್ಷದ ತನಕ ಖುಷಿಯಗಿರುವೆ
ನಿಮಗೆ ಸಿಕ್ಕರೆ ಕೊಟ್ಟು ಪುಣ್ಯ ಕಟ್ಟಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ ದೇವರೇ
ಹಸಿ ಕಡಲೆ ಕಾಳಿನ ರುಚಿಗೆ ಮನ ಕಾದು ಕಾವಲಿಯಾಗಿದೆ

ಭಾಶೇ

Poet

I only write
That’s my thoughts
How you read it
Is in your head
I can’t influence
What you understand
For what you read
Don’t blame me

If you like what I write
You have a reason to it
If you don’t like it
You have reasons again
I won’t know them
I don’t want to
What I see is
The world I portray

What you understand
How you interpret
What you take
And what you leave
Is all up to you
I only offer
Taking or not
Is always your decision

Take what fits you
Leave the rest
Am sure there are takers
Am sure am been ignored too
But till the time
I know that I am being read
Or maybe even after that
Am sure I still will write

BhaShe!

Mummified Feelings

All my emotions are mummified
Every time I read a poem
It tells me a story from the past

I won’t destroy my poems on you
Though it was all a lie to you
For me, all my emotions were true

When I grow old, grow out of the hurt
I’ll read these poems to myself
And recall what had been, long ago

I know the scars would still be visible
I know it will refresh my memories
But then, what else can be the best use of past?

No hard feelings, no tears, no pain then,
I’d laugh at my emotions, as I recall
When I open the mummified memories

BhaShe

Dedicated: To that one person who was good and bad at the same time, for a very short time!

Groping – the Menace

As we have progressed, I think people have found new ways to abuse women, new ways to hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. If I were to write about everything I have heard, seen, witnessed or gone through, then I can make another blog on it or make it a series. Well, I do plan to make a series on sexual and other form of abuses though. That’s another day’s discussion, another day’s plan. Now, let’s come back and focus on groping.

The definition on the internet and Wikipedia say it is a form of molestation. A body part is pressed, pinched or rubbed against, without the consent of the person is called groping. You will find a lot of information on what groping is, how it is considered in different countries and so on, on the internet. Well, information is good, but when you are actually in the situation, that is when you will know how it actually feels to be groped.

It’s done in seconds. You are in a crowded place and a hand appears from nowhere and presses your breast. By the time you realize what happened and turn back to see who did it; the person would have vanished in the crowd. Sometimes you get to see his face, or grab his hand to hurt him.

You feel angry, frustrated, agitated, helpless, scared, there is a rush of lot of emotions. You probably try to hit him if you get a chance or otherwise you walk off like nothing happened. Does a lump in your throat appear just as you go through this that you fail to scream, you fail to make it public. Or do you fear that even if you scream, no one cares, no one helps and you think you will be embarrassed?

Why do people do this? Grope? What does one get by this? I have a list of questions actually! Is it an illness? Can this behavior be corrected? Is it based on the upbringing, or is it a mental condition, what is it? Why do people do this? Should one be punished or taken to a doctor?

I think I will hear voices which will say punish them. Getting physical the only form of reaction to such an incident and hit them hard and hurt them so that before they think of groping someone else, they will think 1000 times. However, I think, if they had it in them to think, why would they be doing anything like this? I don’t know. I have heard people tell me they punched that “beeped word” in their face, hit him, hurt him. Yes, you get your anger out, but will that make any difference? Will that make that person not do it again?

Can this be taken to the police? I don’t know this either. Will they take complaint on groping seriously? Or the person who went to complain has to face embarrassment? I don’t know. Would you tell this to your father, brother or husband? Would you tell this to your best buddy? Your girl? What would you do if this happens to you?

This might be going too far, but I think police, psychiatrists/psychologists/counselors and a bunch of young people, in cooperation, should form teams to catch these gropers and get them to the right path. I won’t worry about me, but I worry about my little sister, my best friend, my mom or my daughter who would have to face this. I want to feel safe for me, for them and I want them to feel safe as well. There has to be a way out, it might be case by case basis but there will be things that will be common.

How can we cure this illness from our society?

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Azeem Bolar – The HELP

You google his name and you will find enough details about who he is, what he does, how has his life’s journey been and everything. There are a lot of articles, videos, news releases and what not, that tell you about him. Everything you need to know about him is already there. But the question is why would you google about him? How would you know that a man named “Azeem Bolar” exists? Unless you have heard of him or met him and know that he is help.

Not everyone who is in trouble identifies that he is in trouble, and not everyone who knows he is in trouble wants a solution. Most of them just whine about it. There are few, who figure that there is trouble in life, and professional help is needed to solve it. When you are that person, one of the people whom you can reach out to, is Azeem Bolar.

He is blind, but we fail to see what he sees, different perspectives to life. His life itself is a motivational story. His beliefs, his positive and never give up attitude, that itself is enough for someone to feel motivated and positive about life. Also, the detailing that he gives, his talks, makes one think, wakes one up from the slumber and then soothes, lightens and calms down ones troubled mind/heart and helps clear the clouds that blurred ones vision.

“When did you become god?” a question that he asks, that make you think. Think again and again and again and see that you are not God. That question is enough to bring peace back to you and Make you look outside like it is meant to be. Well, I don’t want to write much. You will know the value of something only when it is needed badly. I know it!

Azeem Bolar is help.

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Happiness!

Sometimes years are spent in minutes and
Sometimes seconds take years to pass
Time has its own way to transcend and transform
To teach and to make living better by day!

It’s like waking up from a sweet dream and
Still feeling the beauty of it, around
Like world unwinds its colors slowly
Beauty is the only word I have!

Being true to emotions, true to oneself,
True to the inner conscious, follow the morals
Living the values that our fathers taught
And living, knowing that it’s all gonna end!

Peace of mind and lots of hope
Sincerity, honesty and applied life lessons
Knowing that I am doing the right thing for all
Gives such a peace and joy to the heart!

Enjoy the life, as you wish, as you deserve,
Harm no one, hurt no one, be the best you can!
It’s all temporary, momentary, know that well,
And live such way, that you die with pride and honor!

BhaShe

Perspectives

If I were to die today…

I’d love to spend it with you,
Just sit with you all day long
Laugh, cry, talk, hug, eat, donno what!
And love you and make love to you,
Not worry about anything
Just enjoy the most with you
Make the best out of what I have
Forget the pain you caused
Forgive all your mistakes
Love you like nothing happened in the past
As I’ll not have a tomorrow

In short, what I wanna say is,
I still love you a lot
I have not forgotten anything
Both the good and the bad we had

But unfortunately, I believe I am gonna live, so

I can’t love or desire you
I can’t put myself in that position
Where I need to beg you badly for love everyday
I can’t put myself in pain
I can’t feel bad about myself again
I can’t feel low and cry often
I can’t listen to your lies and excuses
I can’t get ill-treated by you again
I can’t and don’t want to go through again
As I think you wouldn’t have changed a bit!

So, I will keep the anger, sad and what you did,
I will keep the pain you caused in the past
And I will make it help me forget you
As I believe I have a lot to do, lot to live
I don’t wanna hurt myself again
By confessing my love to you one more time!

BhaShe

Preparing for Pain

This morning, I spoke to her, she was very hurt, her dad had passed away and she could not go to see his face for the last time. It was an unexpected death. His health condition was normal and such a sudden death was not expected, even though he was hospitalized for 10 days. He moved on and now his family need to accept this sudden change and start living with it.

Not just people, relationships also die. Sometimes you can predict it and expect it to happen any moment and a lot of other times it just happens. One has to adjust only after its occurrence.

All of us come with an expiry date written on our forehead (if you believe that is place where god writes our future and his wills ;)), and I think so does every relationship. Sometimes people die before the relationship expires and sometimes relations die.

Also, like I said, some relations give hints that they are about to die, you could predict it, you could plan to adjust even before it actually happens. Like a bed ridden old man! You know he is not going to get up and become active, you know he is walking towards the doors of death, you know it may be today or tomorrow. So you understand, you accept and you are prepared for it to happen. Still you hurt. Even after knowing that he was walking on a one way road, you hurt. But do you hurt as much as you would have if it were unexpected?

Like an accident! You had no clue that the one you loved would be no more, you cannot see him alive the next time. Like a sudden break up, when you thought everything was going fine. Like a striking lightening! You were completely unprepared for such a shock in life and it happens. Friends, lovers, parents, siblings, we lose people whom we love in just a second. It’s like destiny’s destructive plan, cruelty. It takes a lot of time to accept that this has happened, to understand the reality, and then to adjust one’s life to the new reality.

Can we ever be prepared for all the death and loss that occur? We know we are all going to die one day, so, can we really prepare for it? To reduce the pain? Can we really be prepared for the shocks of life like death, break up or losing someone forever? Will I be called negative if I start a relationship thinking it may not work and end up bad? If I make up my mind and say I can live without anybody, though I love some people around me? Am I wrong then? Am I crazy?

I was in tears when I saw her in tears. It’s just been 3 days she has lost her father, and I was there, in my usual way, making fun, laughing, wishing her for happy festival. She was hurt, badly! I have seen my close ones cry when they lost their loved ones and I don’t like the pain! I don’t like the intensity of that pain. I want to know if there are ways to reduce that pain! Future is supposed to be unpredictable, but can we anticipate? Can we be ready? So that the hurt is that much lesser?

What do you think?

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Are Friends/people a necessity of Life?

Why do we need people or society to live? To be alive? I doubt that! Then why do we need people who are called friends, love, relatives, whatever relationship that we have?

Well, during ancient days people were needed to be in groups as hunting was and is still a group activity. (well, human is not the only social animal in that respect, even other animals have their own groups and are social within that, right?) Later, we needed people around for barter system. However, now, when one earns enough to stand on his or her own legs, then why do we need friends? Or people around?

Why is there such a need and pressure to have friends? I even remember watching a movie, where the bride tells her friends that her fiancé does not have friends and they insist on him having some. They tell her about the problems of not having friends and how that will ruin their marriage! He actually goes out to make friends and the movie continues, the movie is called “I love you, man”. The guy ends up with different type of people as his friends!

Is it the need to share? To show off? Status? Belongingness? What is that thing, which drives people to have someone around? If deprived, to lose their mind?

Is it such a necessity to have friends? Or for that matter people around? To share, to go out, to shop, and what all other reasons! Why? Why cannot a human live alone, without any friends or family support on a day to day basis and be happy about it?

Ok, if you are saying you need someone who cares for you, loves you and who considers you as their world and let you have the same feelings, then I have my set of doubts on that as well! How long can one sustain such feelings? How long one will? And I think life time is a very long time to commit to!

That too when you say it is a selfless act! Some actions are done, purely to make the other person happy and expecting nothing in return! Seriously! Do such people really exist?

Again, if there is no selflessness, then why be social? Why yap so much about it? Does anyone do any act just to make someone else happy? I have my own set of doubts about it! When everything is done with a meaning, selfishness, purpose or expectation then only hurt and pain gets generated right, not love and peace! Then why bother disturbing one’s inner peace by being social?

We have psychologists to share our problems and get useful advice! We have books to read, TV to get entertained, strangers to smile, and unknown people to have a chat! Well, you might say now that I am contradicting my own thoughts! But again, I am talking about strangers and professionals and not friends or relatives! Because, whenever I said people, I meant friends and others who are known! An established relationship!

The one who is alone and happy about it, has the rights to decide how connected or disconnected one wants to be with anyone or anything! Stuff like books, music, and so on don’t hurt! Life will pretty much be on our own terms if this is done! So, why be social? Why rely on people with established relationships? Why trust them? Why?

I seek answers!

Sowmyashree Gonibeedu

Becoming Me!

A very peaceful seashore
Completely disturbed me
Trying to concentrate
To attain moksha in solitude

I think the good and the bad
I think about going beyond thinking
I list the positive and the wrong
And I throw the list into the sea

I focus on the sound of waves
The whisper of breeze in my ears
I focus on the blue sky and water
And I try to see what I am!

A tiny creature on this planet
Who existence won’t make a difference
I search to find a purpose
That could bring about some change

I hope to leave a positive mark
Before I walk off forever
I desire to make something worth
I am waiting for my calling to come

I try to find peace and explore myself
To know me and to become me
I need to throw my list of doubts
And find answers to countless questions!

BhaShe!